The Babbling Chronicles (babb_chronicles) wrote,
  • Mood: fifly, even flabbergased
  • Music: "Harry Potter, The Musical" Soundtrack

The Best of Babb from Part LXXII up till now - Part One!

Yes, a bit earlier than usual, but this is an unusual post.. This enormous "best of" batch is brought to you by the genius of the one and only... vampiryyn. Everyone - donate a spork to build her a shrine! :)



MANGLED CANON NAMES:



Faith used magic to bring in hormone's stuff.

*

Hermione was fixing ot take a DE to Azkaban, when all the sudden he-who-must-not-be named appreard."ohh no u dont " said voldermorrt he put her under a spell which made her fal asleep.

*

It was total silence until Virginia spoke. " It was last year, at pandma and pavatri's party, everyone was having a good time.

*


"She was but she said something came up. Didn’t tell m what. But of course when has she ever told me anything important?" Ron asked also stripping for bed.

"True. Probably has something to do with Victor Crumb."

sharselune: Anyone else think this author listened to the books on tape?

*

Harry sat in his room doing his homework by the dead of night hopeing not to wake up the dearselys.

*

What kinda book are you reading said uncle vernon his voice was slow and
misty. aabout my parents .Then he put his head in a bowing posetion where he
looked he was bowing his head. Harry potter must not be sad dooby had come harry potter sir. Ahhhhahahhhhhhh screamed uncle vernon. there where screaming at privet drive that morning that morning from uncle vernon, dobby,dudley, aunt pentina, and harry hard had to stop them.But how

sanae: Ahh, it's the rare blue-footed Dooby! What a majestic bird! ...Wait.

*

This is youre family Harry said dumbledore everyone in here. wHoes that said mrs.Weasley pointing at surious.Harrys god father said sirus. Oh.
if every person in this room is harry's family then who are you said sroius pointing at albus dumbledore. Im kind of harry's grandpa said dumbledore. Im james dad it affected me the most when he died. it took me 3 years to get back to normal.

*

"you don’t stick up for me do you both of you" hermioen said standing up and walking to the dorm. Leaving harry and ron to talk in the great hall.

*

Draco my son Lord Voltemort has just informed me about the excellent news. Now you can be just like me your life will be perfect. Well hurry and decide you wouldn't want to keep the Lord waiting. Your father,

Lucius Malfoy

*

When Remus put his hand up to ask what those were as he came from a muggleborn household and had no idea, McGonegal said that Slyterin was the house where dark wizards went like all the black family (she said looking at Sirus), and also cunning people.

*

"She's a Gryffadore fort sure," Mayfoy said looking at Crabbe and Goyal.

eskimosatan: You idiot author, you've channeled their stunt doubles!!

erlgirl_9: Mayfoy v. 1.5: the cheaper alternative to the Malfoy. WARNING: may have verbal malfunctions when interacting.

*

"Did you see how she approached the hat with that coocky smile?"A true Slytherinis expressionless and set.

*

"Professor Dimbledore, we have decided to go through with the quest
that you have offered to us. We will be married by the end of the week," he told him of their decision.

*

They arrived at Hoghwarts. And I entered the school.

*

"Silentce!!!!" yelled Dumbeldoor. "ok, this year will be a very exiting year in that, you will to more than just learn about wichcraft and wizardry, but you will exploor it. Harry Potter, Hermioney Granger, Ron
Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Crab, Goyle you will attend with Profecer McOnegle on somewhat of a camping trip, far behinde the Dark Forest.

*

Green light again made its way towards him. As last words, he shouted "I’m
coming Mum, Dad, I’m coming Hermoine, I’m coming Ron and Quadric!"

*

as the year went by she started a bad hobby. she would go into hogsmeade an buy drinks but somehow she wasn't addcitive to it. But one Time she was drunk. She was not in her right mind. She followed the slytheren named blake zimblatti downstairs to the slytheren dormitories and listened to the password.

she_reaches_out: With no
relation to Blaise Zabini. Really.

*

"I can watch this girl Skyler." Flur Deloncour said.

*

Most were people known by Harry Ron and Hermione, like Neville Longbottum, Ginny, Ron’s sister, and her new boy friend, and Luna Lovegrove.

*

"Yes my child. I am sorry I can’t chat much. I am having an early night. You know who I hate flying."

"Ah, but Servus, you know it is for the better! You would never see those two little brats of your’s ever!"

*

Voldemrot stowed his wand inside his cloak and reached down for the
baby girl who was crying loudly.

_outercourse: Protect your homes against Voldemrot! The sadistically evil fungus that destroys your home, kills your parents, and makes baby Jesus girls cry!

*

"I can’t do this." Severus swiftly stood up from the table. " I’m sorry. I just... Savannah is probably not interested in me and even if she was, I couldn’t handle what all of Hogwatz would think of me dating her."

*

The Griffindor table cheered and then they cheered again as ginny was sorted into griggindor too.

*

"my mum, your auntie adoromada, she comes from dark wizards and Brian once belonged to them. But he was enchanted at birth to protect you glorie and only you!"

*

"Who's that you're with, Harry Putter? Not Hormone Groanger, the mudblood?"

*

Keety on the other hand wanted to go to Grigortts and then get her
school things.

*

Dear ermonneyi am sorry to ave to tell you this but i ave somboady
else and ave fallen in love with er so it is time for us to end we ad a nice time but i ave relissed you are not the for me i ope we can be freainds.sorry
krumtears started to roll down hermionnes face

*

The 4th letter was from Hogwarts. Hagrid couldn't send one because he is away doing something Proffesor Dumbodoor asked him to do.

skarch86: Okay people. The Albus/Fawkes, I can accept. But crossover!Albus/Dumbo is Just. Not. Cool.

*

"Oh Sverius can't you tell the girls upset!" it was Proffesor Vin...Proffesor snape snarled at the sight at him and began to say somthing..

"oh save it seveirus! go do something usfull like washing your hair!" laughed Vin..

"you can't talk to me like this Vin you only graduated last year! you are
still only a boy compared to me!" spat Snape...

"no seiverius, if i would have to be at least 30 even to compare as a 12 year old to you!" he said ginerly..

malefics: Severus stared at him for a moment, lip curled, eyes flashing. He hesitated. "Oh why bother. That insult ridiculed itself."

*

Right away madam pomfree swept in and took the unconscious girl from Sevserouse and I less than a minute she was gone.

crazyitperson: Next week it's gonna be 'Severeezerouser'.

*

It looked like most other wizard rooms but there was a framed pieces of a
Firebolt on the wall the one that had saved him and killed The Dark Lord Valdimort .

*

" What were you thinking Vergina Weasly? Kissing Draco Malfoy!! Your crazy." He said kind of yelling at her. She ran as fast as she could crying, back to her house. Harry saden and dismist, walks to Ron and Ginny's house.

vampiryyn: Am I the only
one freaked out that "Vergina" is an anagram of "Ginevra"?

*

"Fine, I will come with you, I will join your side as well if you don't mind that. My so called friends really don't like me and have talked about
Dumblefucker sending me to bloody Azkaban after killing you! The light
side aint so light so I rather take my chances with you." With Harry's words Voldemort smirked.

*

"Where is David." "There he is." said Ron. Playin Quidditch He has the
quafall.David ziged and zaged hole team couldn't get him. 10 piont to, ahh, David. "Yah Go David yelled Herminnei.

*

I know their names now; their names are ronweaslyharrypotteranddracosillegalcrushhermionegranger. Not like I have anything against them at the moment.

*

The feasted lasted for about and hour before everyone went to bed. Some
giving looks of sympathy to the Gryffindors, and glares toward the Slytherins,
and there new Princess Hermione. But did they care? No. Now all Hermione had to do was wait till Friday to find out was Twenney (sp) had to say.

broi: Who the bloody hell
is this author trying to spell here? Trelawney? I have absolutely no idea. *mind boggles*

*

"It is NOT crappy! I happen to like Micheal very much.." Dumblecore
said.

wulfkub: When hardcore just isn't enough...

*

The seven teenagers looked at McGonagall two with watery eyes two looking
confused as she was and when looking like a mental patient, and the other looking as if Voldermolt just died.

*

ron looked shocked " oh yes i heard that something has kidnapped some of the kids " . ginny looked shocked " who " . ron scarthed his chin " well it was hermione harry draco parvati kimberly and fred and gearge and percy " .
ginny gasped " you know when you said harry was it harry potter or another harry" . ron looked at the floor " harry potter" . ginny let out a defining scream "nooooooooooooooooooooo" .

*

"I wonder where from, I mean they're not likely to come from Durmstrang or
Beaxatons (soz can't spell) are they? Said Ron.

*

nevles cuts in,"Did u not hear?She was in the bathroom crying"

Harry looks at nevles,"Hermione never crys!"

*

"Is that a threat, Garnger." said Sirius standing his ground.

(A/N: Dont worry in my story Sirius dont hit girls.)

*

Professor Maganigal’s Class

*

"Proffesor the new defense against the dark arts teacher is trying to kill
Hermione come and look" said Ron and Harry together. "I'm coming" said prof.
Mconnagol.

*

"Hi, guys." She said to her friends as she sat next to them. "alright, Harry, ron and Hemroone?"




INTERESTING NEW CHARACTER NAMES



She was shocked, for two reasons, one she had been sorted in to the house she wanted and two, she marvelled at how much a big, tattered, old hat could see just inside her mind. His exact words had been "you have many secrets young ‘ananastasia" he had said like he had known

*

To those peering eyes that seek interest in my lives haunted past. My name is Isis Sullen, the girl with no moral values to possess such greatness as of those I look down on. I was the hate that stood in everyone’s way.

*

Lilac Purity Benita steped gracefully onto the Hogwarts Express.
Beyond her she left a trail of dropped jaws, of all mails.

*

Disc: I own Selene Ruby Rose Snape and the plot.

eskimosatan: But not your
pride.

*

"Alexandria Cuau Black</b>, TELL ME NOW." Now she knew that she was in
trouble. Harry only call her, her full name if she was in trouble.

*

As for me, I’m not that different. I am a 17 year old girl named Hennana Kinda. I have short brown hair, brown eyes, and am a centaur. Well, half centaur that is, I’m also half witch but as far as I can tell I’m more centaur. The reason I am like this is because my father is a centaur and my mother is half-witch.

*

"Oh! My name’s Zalika. Zalika Guinevere Elrond. But you can call me Zally or Gwen or Winnie or whatever abbreviations of my name you can find." Zally replied.

*

Oh yes, I’m Trinity Morgan Lionheart. I hate that name. I truly do
hate it with all my might. The thing is, I really don’t even know why I hate it. Yes, I am an odd one like they all said.

*

"My name is Professor Goth. I am here to give a young girl named Sarah Gillad this." He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out an envelope.

*

Hello my name is Adriana Smith, well not really, it's actually Love Darrien. You see I'm on a mission, a Hogwarts potions teacher is suspected to be a vampire. If you haven't guessed I'm a slayer.

I'm known to most people as Coco, but at hogwarts I'll be Addy

*

Your father is Lord Voldemort." "No." I shook my head as I backed away. "Yes he is." My mother said. "I’m black rose amide the white." I whispered.

*

Bay Verite (ordinary, I swear!) is a wild transfer student from New
York, Sorted into...Slytherin? Confused by the anti-Muggle, almost evil group,
the ambitious Bay nonetheless grows closer and closer to Draco Malfoy...will she be sucked into the Darkness

*

She was not smiling but she was either looking as someone there was in bad
mood, she was mood less. Dombledore stand up and get the students attention "this is miss Eira Gwen Summer, transfer student from wizardring school for christianize purebloods in French.

*

"Hello. My name is Remus Lupin." he said.

"Hello, pleased to make your aquaintance. My name is Aphrodite Goddessa, although you may already know my name if you were paying attention to the Headmaster." I said in my natural polite voice.

*

"Harryatta! Help me with my hair!" Hermione yelled, looking frantic. "It’s out of control!" Harryatta, Hermione’s best friend and Harry Potter’s long lost sister came out looking glum.

broi: Straight out of the
"Praco" school of Character Naming, that one...

*

There was no one prettier than Strawberry Vanilla Cocoabutterlove, no one prettier at all!

*

the new defense against the dark arts teacher Mr. Salmon




BEST NEW CHARACTER



Als blonde hair was going everywhere. Ginny looked at her hair and
frowned. Als was more popular for one reason: She had a chest. Ginny didnt yet. Did the breast Fairy forget her or something.

pouletinbondage: THE BREAST FAIRY FORGOT GINNY! EVERYONE POINT AND LAUGH!




MORE STRANGE SPECIES



Jaili was a Snake, a Slytherin, and a Kilton. Albus was a Lion, a Griffondor! He was the person who defeated Grindelwald when he was only one year old.

vampiryyn: Personally, I’m glad it was a kilt on instead of a kilt off. We don’t want to see what he has down there.




BEST SUE BACKGROUND



My Mother, Johnna, runs a small little sweet shop in town and my Father, Renner, is head of the centaur tripe. Since my father is head of the centaur tripe, he is very important.




WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEER



" Shes a guiness and is a gifted witch. But she's an got anger problem", Fred said.




STUPID SUMMARIES



She's a punk rock angel, but he's a preppie jock bully.

telophase: They fight crime!

*

The twins that lived small girl with a scar is transported into a worled that is not hers. What is her conection to Harry Potter.

*

Ginny has thoughts on how a fairytale, is just a perfect relationship with no flaws and how she wants that so bag.

*

Sirius is reincarnated as Snape's baby. He realizes he is fetus and sets out for revenge on his old enemy.

skarch86: Fetus!Sirius: You are going to suffer, Snivellus! I am going to kick, and kick, and kick and make sure to hit your bladder every single time. Ph34r my awesome left kick!

*

Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Girl must die. Cry cry cry.

*

All people change, some for the better, some for the worse. Hermione has
become a Eater. She has changed Beyond All Recognition.

skarch86: Join Pacman!Hermione in her latest adventure!

*

A vampiress who eats regular food might hold the key to the future...

*

Lucius believes that by raping Draco he’ll be able to turn his son AGAINST
the Dark Lord.

wulfkub: Perfectly logical. Of course, Lucius didn't enjoy a single second of it, not even when Draco opened his hotly luscious mouth and drew his straining...
Ahem, sorry.




ODDEST PUNISHMENT



They took him to Azcaban were they perfumed the dementores kiss
twice
so that he was no longer immortal and then they left him there to die a painful death.




WORST PUNISHMENT



So in order for Harry to get a book Harry has to give Dudley sexual
pleasures and even if poor Harry tried to fight Dudley would just sit on him.




BESTEST GRAMMAR



" we had the most coolest day!" ron started.

*

this just makes life even more hard. i love Marky. i lust Draco.

wicked_grin: THIS IS NOT A SENTENCE! *SMACKS*




ODD FAMILY HISTORY



so harry is a pure blood his great great great so on grandfather was a
wizard the rest are squids

curious_geko: Mmmmm...
Potter calamari.

thecoldacre: You know what that means?
Squid porn!

*

Before you where born we were taken from your Father, Tom Riddle, known to
the rest of the world as Voltemort, the Dark Lord. Albus Dumbledore the leader of your father’s enemy’s did not want Tom to have a hair, that’s right you are the hair to the Dark Throne.




ATTACK OF THE SUES



My eyes are green and glitter like uhm glitter and my hair is pink with little purple stars and straight. I also have bigger boobs than anywone my age.

*

Ron looks at me and thinks I'm really pretty. He asks me whats ur name and i answer its Britney. Heasks if i have no last name and I say no lol silly i'm a fairie princess.

*

Harry asks me if I want to be his gilrfriend and then Ron says I'm gonna be his girlfriend but I say I wanna be Snapes gf cuz hes hotter. Then they go kill themselves.

*

She had unusual hair; dark brown with pure white, pink, blue, purple, gold
and silver streaks, which fell to her shoulder blades completely straight.

*

She was 15 years old, around 5’10", and she had the strangest eyes, mostly
because they were bright blue with gold and purple specks in them. She had
strawberry blonde hair with purple streaks.

*

While they were walking down the stairs, they met up with Harry’s other long lost sister (I know waaaay to much sisters, but we put everyone in the story just to make them happy.) Jane and Angela, and his cousin Sakura Avalon. Jane was an elf, Anglela was an earth fairy and Sakura was a powerpuff girl.

antonia_east: Like Cartoon Network on speed.

wulfkub: Welcome to the suck.

*

Strawberry was a pretty girl. Very pretty indeed. There was no one prettier than Strawberry Vanilla Cocoabutterlove, no one prettier at all! Her bright, large, scarily-oversized eyes were the color of swirling winter sky, sparkling with beauty. And her hair was not strawberry at all, but it was pretty and burnished gold. It shined with beauty. She was so pretty, everyone swooned.




BEST HOUSE PASSWORD



Harry Potter a seventh year legend in Gryffindor passed Frinny the
ufflepuff prefect while guiding the Hufflepuffs up to a picture of a moving cat and said POOPYSEED.




STUPID CROSSOVERS



A long time ago,in a Galaxy far,far away. . . It is Harry's six year at Hogwarts,but when an interesting ship from outerspace come's along Harry meet's Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his jedi apprentice Anakin Skywalker who come's to tell him that the Dark Lord of the Sith has come to start a war between Hogwarts and the Republic. . .

*

Ron: Hermione! Why aren't you in love with me?! I'm a man too y'know...I go pee-pee standing up!

Hermione: I'm sorry Ron but your squeaky shoes drive me insane!

Ron: Well I'm not parting with my shoes.

Hermione: Then goodbye!

Ron realises that he wet himself and takes flight!

Hermione gets covered in Ron's piss.

Ron: Byeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*

AT THE EVIL GUYS HOUSE.....................
'Master, here is a letter from someone.' said a rather pethetic orc, holding out a note.
Saromon opened the letter, and a look of discust covered his face.
On the parchment was a note saying Catch me if you can
And under it was a very realilistic drawing of Harry sticking up his middle
finger.

*

"In this detention, you will fight the whopping willow.I will help if you get seriously hurt.Now go!"Heeeaaaa"James Drew His wand "Incendio tria!" "Flipendo duo!" James and Peter Shouted.480/500 was the whopping willows hp.'Bam bam bam bam bam bam!BAAAANNNGGGG!!!!!Peter got hit by the whopping willow!(but wasn't seriously hurt)89/113 James was hit too!94/178."Expelliarmus!" "Incendio duo!" They Cried out.Poof poof bobobom!Critical hit! 370/500.Wwshshhhhhhhhhhhh.BBBAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG KABOOM
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM! "AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Cried James.23/178."Ooooooofff," Peter was hit!39/113.James and Peter both drank a max heal,and a Hp Potion.Peter's hp was 210/210.And James was 250/250.

ryttu3k: *geek radar explodes*

*

He had to resort to some desperate measures. He had his Batmobile, his
Batcomputer even his own Batphone. So why couldn't he have a BatSnape? He turned towards the headquarters. Yes, that was the idea! He definitely had the means to achieve his goal. To have his very own BatSnape.

*

Her mother was a Dunedain (blessed with looong life), and a descendent of
Queen Nefertiti (although through a cousin’s cousin). She was in her mid forties, but still was quite nimble, showing Zally all of her moves in the art of pole fighting (or staff fighting).
Her father was an Elf, and also a Jedi Master.

razorwireshrine: JEDI MASTER ELF.
brain..breaking...

*

The High Elves would still be lost. The War Tribes of Gobbloean would still be plotting the next rebellion. The Tribes of the Moon would still be trapped to the Moon. If the Mage Lord had not open the Green Way and wake it from slumber. Returning the Lady Mystra to the Weave of Terra and Avalon

lookninjas: ... dude. So
that's what happens when you grab an armful of fantasy books, toss them in the blender, and hit frappe.




DUMBEST NEW WORDS:



harry adjusted the glasses and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "did I
fall asleep." he asked dreamliy.

"yeah, for like the last half hour. You know you squirm a lot. You almost
kidkced me in the head." ron resomponded.

sam_t: "You didn't even
wake up when we were atrkpttacked by Fgred and Geoprge's Scrabble set."

*

Harry woke up early and realzied what Fred said agers ago was true. Hermione and him shared a passionate kiss and it lead futher untill they were both doing it, a month later Hermione told Harry she wasa pregnant with his child/ Harry was flabbergased

*

When i entered it i saw many students running around, especially 1st years
and then i spootted Ron anD hARRY.

*

"He’s Sirius Black, I’m James Potter Quidditch extroadenare." said
James

perpet_fic: "He can't spell worth a damn, though."

"Shut up, Sirius."

*

It was of how her and her boyfriend would fool around.All the mechuveouse thought that could run througn one tennagers mind.

*

She finally came to constionice and sa that the peaice of trash on the floor, the one that Snape spook so highly of this Malfoy boy, he is so squrmy.

*

"Then," George interupted, "One day, Fred will be alone in the common room
and you think it is me and kiss him, if he pushes you way, that means he doesn't like you..."
"But, if he kisses back, that means he likes me, and we let him in on it! Oh
George, we are a geuinuses!"

*

"oh yeah wait what time is it ::::: YWAN:::::" i said ywaning.

*

"when is she coming dad ? " asked George. "she will be coming tomrrow" more gaspeds

*

I regained my composure. "Just cause you are a good kisser I ain't gonna
forgive ya for all thoes years of meaniusm."

*

Wow we both mouthed unabel to get anything else out. The castel was huge and made out of gold and silver, rubies and dimonds, emralds and every other
prisious stone immiginabel.

*

He shook his head up and down and said," Put it on a neclace chan and hide it down you shrit. No one will notice it."

eccentricpirate: What is a shrit, exactly? Do I have a shrit? Who has shrits? Who gives a shrit?

*

Harry lay in bed wide-awake thinking of one thing Hermione. Her beughtiful brunet hair.

absurdwords: 'Beugh' sounds
like a sound you make when you're barfing.

*

Record; gbh, reckless abandonment, possession of stolen goods, possession of fire arms, possession of class A,B and C drugs, vandalism, fights, Blowing up a gym, Manslaughter, Blowing up school (Westminster chafolic school),

*

Swearing at police officers, Possession of a car that at the least dose
1oomph, Disturbing the peace, Scarring and tormenting pedestrian’s, fraud, robbery

vampiryyn: Damn. My car
only does 0.5 oomphs.

*

"My names Sirius Black. I a fifly rich pureblood destined to be
miserable with a horrible family." Said Sirius bitterly

*

This boy you draginged in is Maxwell Black

*

Lindsie was the most deadliest assian in the Dark Order.

*

I was ten and living in the city. when my mom (Molly Marie blaze) And step
father (zach tom blaze)came and told me that I was a witch and that I would have to go to England and live with my really dad sirius black. I would be going to hogwarts school of witch Craft and wizerdrey.So when I got to England I fond anoble little eif (or as whichts call them House elf)

*

MY HAIR IS NOT I REPEAT NOT CARROT ORANGE IT IS ABURNAD




STUPIDEST INTRO EVER



65 billion years ago, God created 1 man and 1 woman.
Now the date is 1st September 2005, and two girls from England are joining
Hogwarts for their 7th year.




BEST NEW PSEUDO-SWEAR



"About farikin time you two started going out. If one of you
hadn’t done something soon I would’ve been made to come to the rescue." Said
Ginny




STRANGE NEW MAGIC


Tonks an Auror and a metamorphaimaugs who can change her appearance at will to anything, and none other then Professor Dumbledore himself.

*

Suddenly it started to rain. Hermione felt all panicky because of her hair.
It started to frizz up in teh humidity. //oh no// she thinks, //what if he sees me like this?//
But than she remembered that she's a witch and got out her wand after she has
climbed into the carrege.

'Blowdriius!' she cried waving her wand.

"Wow, Mione," said Harry. His eyes were as big as pizza's.

*

"DOGS CAN NOT TALK SO FOR THAT YOU WILL PAY!" Yelled Voldemort "Barkious Pftious! Now you can not speak and when you try to nothing comes out except barks." Voldemort was laughing now.

ghastly_raven: This,
people, is how Voldemort became the most feared wizard in the Wizarding World.

*

"oh well" replied Voldemort "put this on instead". He handed his French maid a normal double D bra and Harry put it on. This was even bigger on Harry.
"Titalis didilis" chanted Voldemort and all of a sudden 2 double D boobs grew out of Harry’s Chest.

*

"Is there a spell to change haircolor?" asked Luna, puzzled.

"Yes." Amelia pointed her wand at Luna's hair, "BLACKO DYMETRIO!"

Luna ran to the mirror and smiled "Oh good! I've always wanted black hair!"

*

She had to tell her best friends Ron and Harry that she was transferring to Belladrix Wizdary School.

*

Voldemort raised his wand "Avada Kedavara" he said in an almost calm voice. Harry stood boldly, looking him in the face.

*

"You don't want our baby?" Dumbledoor wept. "After all the trouble I went
to? ERECTUS DISAPPEARUS!" he cast, and YOU-KNOW-WHO's lustful loins began to droop.

*

" Kadva kroucio!" "Curdamiun Gerigous" Voldemort and Harry
said at the same time, and when the wands hit the other with full force the wands made the reaction that happened at the tri-wizard cup.

ryttu3k: "Glutious
Maximus!"

kissthehearse: What surprised them both,
however, was the emergence of a giant purple walrus wearing a geranium on his head between the two spells.

"What the heck is that?" Harry shouted.

"It appears to be a walrus," responded Voldemort, "What spell did you cast?"

"I don't know," Harry called back, "I was too worried about what spell you
would cast that I just kind of made something up!"

"Oh, me too," Voldemort nodded.

The walrus honked loudly, then plucked the geranium from his head and ate it.


*

He rased his wand and said in a voice that was not his,as though his anger
changed his voice...his very sole, "AVADA CADAVERA!"

*

Any thing else we should know? HG asked

I am a metamor.

*

To open the box you will need to say ‘Slytherin’s hair’ in persaltongue.

*

Well Whenever you want to come to the Manor, which i presume is now, just
grab this letter and say 'geraium porto'

r05km: For a moment, I was convinced that said "Geranium Porto", although I did wonder what perennials had to do with magical travel...

*

But Harry paid no attention to her." IMPERIO IMPERIO CRUCIO AVADA KEDAVRA EXPELLIARMUS AVADA KEDAVRA CRUCIO IMPERIO FLIPENDO INCENDIO
EXPELLIARMUS
!"Harry yelled."Oh"Squeaked Ron.

*

I point my want over my head and mutter, ""cambio uno mismo" It makes my clothes change into a light pink skirt that sways a lot and is up to
mid-thigh, a tight whit tank-top, pink high-heel shoes and soft pink gloves for my hands. I keep my hair down but the red high-lights are gone and its sort of has a bluish tint to it in the light. I now have pink lip gloss, eye shadow, a little glitter and some black eyeliner and mascara.

*

Because the worldwide flea network is disabled you will travel on
muggle ways.

*

tips hermione potter may be using her maiden name granger she is an
anmigeous [A/N-i forgot] her form a blond fox by the name fox trot if you see her or a funny colerd fox please contact the ministry soon as possible.

*

Helena used a powerful spell called the Gennifuchnu.

*

"ipiopius" she said smiling. A pink light left her want and hit his
head.

*

Something cold toched his cheek. Dripping water "Are you ok?" "Sure .Just
don't tell me what going on." "Oh Harry. I'm so sorry. Forgive me." "Mate you
scared Hermoine have to death." "Ron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!." "Ron I can't belive you. Stopofy.'" "Harry!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*

"wingardeum leveosaw" (I know there is a more accurate spell but im to lazy to find out)

*

"Too long and goodie, goodie." She told herself. She knew she had a good
body, she smiled slyly and grabbed her wand out of her trunk. She looked at it
for a second and pointed it at her skirt
"Shortano" She said, and pulled it down onto her hips. "much better." she said turning round looking at her skirt.

*

Racing to his flat that Aires rented, he locked the door and put as many
charms for locking, silencing and anti appertaining charms as he could
think of.

*

"How do I get to Hogwarts?"

"A little thing that I like to call, slide along apparation."

*

Hatred clear in their eyes, anger blinding them, standing face to face, wand to wand, were Draco Malfoy, and Harry Potter.

"yumenotama!"

"Scourgify!"

The two attacks collided, blinding the by-passers and watchers.

r05km: Yumenotama, according to my dictionary could mean any of the following:


1)The Slug's Dream

2)Dream Globes

3)Occasional Dreams


which could cause any of the following to happen:

1) Harry is hit by 9 kilos of fresh green cabbage.

2) Harry sprouts (extra) legs.

3) Harry is suddenly very attractive to other slugs.

4) Harry sprouts a pair of DD's.

5) The spell randomly does something a while later. You know, if it feels
like it.




HAIR THAT SOUNDS LIKE FOOD



Her hair was a crimson color that flowed like a red red river of honey in ribbons down her back to drag on the floor like a billowing red red cape behind her.

mylla: Because honey is SO red.

seangaffney: I'm still confused, what
color was her hair?




WORST INNUENDO



This girl was too pure. He felt that his course dirty skin would taint
her own pure whiteness. He quickly drew his hand away not wanting to taint her
anymore than he already had done. The girl glanced up unsurely at Dumbeldore than back, at harry both there faces puzzled with the same expression.

"Sorry!" harry mumbled as he attempted to wipe some of his impureness off on his pants.

absurdwords: They both
stared at him. "I just... spilt my yoghurt. It's nothing, really."




INCREDIBLY STUPID AUTHOR’S NOTES



JINGle bells JINGle bells,

thou hast made my day,

Voldemort is so sexy and~

Im ever so glad hes gay.

HEY!

JINGle bells, JINGle bells,

wheres my parsletongue?

I want Tom to grab his cock

and shove it up his bum.

*

Hey! Did you like this chapter? I hope you did. Anyway, let me clear up some facts... Jade is Arabella's nickname for Lily...because Lily has *jade* green eyes. I was tired of the emerald thing...

Rab is Lily's nickname for Arabella...I was tired of Ara and Bella so I used the middle of her name...A*rab*ella.

*

ok, I need to explain something about the Marauders. At the end of fifth
year, Peter pisses the others off and gets kicked out. Also, at the beginning of fifth year, Sean Andersen and John Bernadette transfer from an American school, and at the end of fith year become Marauders. The Marauders Map was made at the middle of fifth year, which is why the map has Peter's name on it and not Sean and John's. Also, Sean's Animagi form is a jaguar, and John's is a falcon. Sean's nickname is Uruz, and John's is Talon. confusing, no?

*

Disclamer: I don’t own HP…blah blah blah…but be warned, I DO OWN MY
DREAMS!!!! MY DREAMS YOU HEAR ME!!!!!! DON’T YOU DARE STEAL THEM BECAUSE I’LL
SEND AN ARMY OF COWS AFTER YOU!!!

perpet_fic: I'll send an
army of butchers. Your move, crazy.

miss_padfoot: Please tell me I'm not the
only one who thought of the cow level from Diablo II.

*

Collin was Virginias other best friend besides Miranda (a/n Collin is a
gothic, just to save time imagine him how you would imagine any gothic thanx!)

empy: As a pillaging
barbarian? Oh, you mean the subculture. Sorry, my bad.

eskimosatan: Just to save time, why don't you stop writing and I'll imagine you died a painful, bloody death.

sucial_fly: A/N: HI GIRLZ!!! HOW R U ALL?? HEHE... I'm KNEWW... THIS IS ME 1. FF, IT'S SO KEWL!! YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT! BUT PULEAZ DONT PHLAME ME... I’m new and all... totally, no falmning please... YEAH, that means like no "cunsturctife cirticizm", either! be nice! Now, here comes my new and over-cool and uberspeshul story!! HEre it is:


(a/n, just to save time, imagine this story how you would imagine any story! It'd take too much off of my time if I were to actually write it! THX!)


A/N: PLESAE REVIEW and TELL ME HOW YOU LIKED IT!!!

*

Sirius was being gay as always. Ok, so he’s not gay. But I still hate him. I have nothing against people like that. I have this friend like that in Hogwarts that’s in 5th and he’s perfectly normal.

eskimosatan: "Here you go, dear, now don't forget the little yellow one, that's for the dementia. Oh, are you writing fanfiction again? How sweet."

*

I don’t know about you, but I’d prolly hurt a pregnant woman that’s baby just happened to be the first love of my life! Lol. But no, sorry to tell you, as Parvati is pregnant, Ginny will not kill her… but will probably kick her ass later :-D

mylla: Yeah. I can always
tell when unborn babies are the first love of my life. *blink*

*

¤¤Harry when thinking¤¤ "Everybody when speaking" ***Writing on paper***
%Talking in the telephone%

regen: I bet the story is more interesting to look at than to actually read.

*

Disclaimer: Me No Own Arry Otter.

Shippou: SO you own Harry Potter?

Me: No

Shippou: But you said you don’t own Arry Potter

Me: Exactly

Inuyasha: Say the damn line!

Disclaimer (revised edition): Me no Own Hrry Ptter

Receives multiple glares

Disclaimer (Revised Revised Edition): Me No Own Harry Potter. Happy now!?

Receives multiple nods

*

it wasn't that he hadn't had chances to have sex (A/N: I want him!), but he had never met anyone who chalenged him or interested him

linwenilid: Is it just me, or did the Suethor just put herself on the 'Uninteresting/Unchallenging Ones'? That's some low self-esteem.

*

To everyone I am sorry for the chapters having spelling mistakes. I am
American.

*

" Yeah, ‘Mione … finally " said Harry.
(A/N: OH GOD! How I hate this nicks: Herm and Mione. Yuck! And I absolutely love Mya or Maya but I’m saving them for Draco;))

artemisofluna: Draco will
kick your ass if you call him Mya!

*

Disclamer: anything that is by someone else, I don’t own.

*

ignore what you read when you read this.

zadcat: It's a deal.

*

Disclaimer: I no J.K. Rowling. I no Asian either. I own only plot. No more! Screw off!!

*

A/N I know this is gay and if u think its gay well stik it up ur bum! Lol coz me don’t care

*

"So...if you’ll excuse me, I believe I opened the door first." said Draco
who started to walk in. "BUT! I need to use it really badly! Bladder full to
explosion!" complained Hermoine and grabbed Draco’s shirt back. With another tug, the beautifully stitched 100% cotton shirt ripped off of Draco’s chest. (Gasp) Hottttt body!! (Hot with 5 t’s) lol....~ Author’s Opinion~

*

"Remember the Ball at the end of last year?"(A/N shut up, I can make up a
ball if I want to.)

ryttu3k: No, you can't. Sod off.

*

She has full Elemental control and other powers that I don’t even know.

*

Disclaimer: do I sound like a millionaire to you? I don’t own any of J, k
Roulings characters if I did I WOULD sound like a millionaire!!!!

*

Okay, I had this idea to start a story. Now, the main character in this story is a bit like me. But I don't have pale skin and puff red eyes.

*

A/N: Okay people, this is a SLASH. Spell it out with me: S-L-A-S-H. That
spells SLASH! Dictionary: slsh okay? That is MALE MALE pairings. In this case it is HARRY AND DRACO. As in HARRY POTTER and DRACO MALFOY. AS IN GOLDEN BOY AND PRINCE OF SLYTHERIN! YES, I know this will NEVER happen, OKAY?? That is why this is called FAN FICTION! Now, that is about EIGHT warnings, plus two on the summary. So if you don't like SLASH, (b/c this is SLASH-there, NINE) DO NOT READ THIS STORY! I do NOT want to see any flames from pathetic homophobic's who DO NOT LIKE that Harry is GAY in this fic (b/c he is-there TEN) GOT IT?

Also, warnings: Dark, Blood, Cutting, SLASH (ELEVEN!!)

If that is not 'your ship' than get on a DAMN plane, you git!

Rain: Morons.

**huff huff** OKAY! There, we are done with the hostile rambling! Above was my muse, Rain. She is...dark. No wonder she inspires me! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, I hope everyone likes this fic!

SLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASH!

Okay, it's out of my system! Enjoy!

miduhyo: As long as there's no gay kissing. Is there?

mylla: It would really amuse me if, after that warning, there was no slash at all in the story.

*

~**DRACOS POV!**~(I KNOW YOU WAAANT IT!)

*

Also let me give you background on the Vampire harry thing.
Harry is a Half-vampire. His mother was full-vampire although she kept it a
secret. Also in this Fic Snape drowned while taking a shower (i know that sounds stupid but it pertains to the plot later on in the story)

wulfkub: I suppose that
trying to figure out how one could drown in the shower is an even bigger waste of time than reading this fic? Well, if one were upside down...

r05km: Severus, if I've told you once,
I've told you a thousand times. When you buy a SuperSealy shower, DON'T stand on the plughole!


*

Hmmm I dont think this chapter was that interesting but oh well. Anyway
Please review or the --- worm will get you lol

valis2: I don't know about you, but I'm reviewing right
now
.

*

"WARNING : I am not responsible for any mental deficiencies, illnesses or
retartednesses you may develop while reading this ficcie. I love you!"

skarch86: Yes, you are! You need to get the credit you deserve!

*

Now for the story. Once upon a time there was a unicorn. Her name was Fanshi. She liked to run and frolic in the-- Not THAT story!

*

She WILL get a boyfriend within the first three chapters.

*

People generally had stopped asking about what it was like to change into a girl and back, and Ron and Hagrid had returned from their long disappearance that had lasted nearly the entire book. (Hope I didn't make anybody mad by pretty much obliterating them!)

*

I rate this R because there’s stuff in it that will rated R.

beardedtroll: The logic is so sharp it cuts.

*

LOTS OF SEXUAL STUFFS!

*

Did i mention that in the end, niki dies? well, she does. But thats not the end of the story, though, because then it gose to the after life with her. Oh yeah, and Tia, i am so so so so so so so so so so so so so TOUCHED ~sniff~ that you replied and you wanna be in my story, and I would be honored to put you in my story. Oh and i desided where i would put you in my story. You will be Niki's best friend while niki is alive, and when her special someone(not giving names now) is still alive. Oh, and you will be there when niki's current bf dies. Just there for her as a best friend. And when she dies. and then you will die (not offended, are you? i dont mean it in a bad way, it just fits the plot) a little while after niki dies and you will meet upin the afterlife.

*

Hey guys i hope you like the story and if ya like it review it please!!! PS i'm the princess HAHA!!! Lol

*

Hermione all of a sudden felt her blood run cold and everything went into
slow motion.(A/N: you know like one of those Arnold Swartzenager movies, when he jumps infront of a bomb and yells nooooooo as he flys back)

*

Hi every body this is my frist story so I'm gonna try to make this story
really good. And Draco Malfoly is Hott and sexy. ( just to let you know)

skarch86: Yes, it's a
family trait. That's why his father is named Luscious. ...What do you mean he
isn't?

*

Kira walks out grinning...: you guys are smart... thanks for the reviews and ideas... Now it has come to my attention that Kira is becoming a Mary Sue... lol... she has basically nothing to do with the story... I just need her for a very important part at the end... the reason I chose the name Kira for her was not because it's also my name... but because in Japanese it means Killer, that will come to play also in this story...

anima_mecanique: Christ in a party hat, I don't even KNOW Japanese and I know that isn't right.

*

firelegs:THANK YOU THANK YOU... for pointing it out that it may seem as
though Kira was a Mary Sue... but trust me... she isnt... and she sure as hell
aint me... for you see if it had been me... I would have joined him without a
second thought... Kira grins... arent I evil... Kira cackles evilly...

*

I do love slash... but I'm sorry Harry cant deal with a slash I dont think..

*

The only reason that the headmaster was able to make the pensive lie was
because he didn’t put it in the pensive he put it above it and showed it from
there, they didn’t go into the pensive, thus he got the loop hole in Pensive’s
(Dumbldore did! Not harry!) and harry didn’t know anything about Pensive’s
anyhow. (Harry knew nothing not Dumbldore).

wulfkub: That's retarded.
Look, though, another lawyer is being formed even as we speak. Someone shoot it.

*

(!!!! Ok Domanik’s name is pronounced, Day-my-n-ike almost sounding like
Dynamite!!! Ok just wanted to let you know Hope you like the story so far!!)

*

Author’s Notes: Thanks for the two and a half reviews! Isn’t Lucius a meany bum!

*

Disclaimer- ( I forgot this on the other chapters.! Opps)- I own Harmony,
Melody, and their Grandparents, and their castle, (in fact, I'm not sure why I
made them live in a castle,) I own the appearance of some strange gothic dude,
and some strange normal looking guy. I think that's it.

*

Ok, Ron is acting really dumb……………..but it’s my story. Ron is my least fave character and I make him how I want him to be dumb cuz he is. Sorry for the inconvenience.

lookninjas: Sorry for
calling you a stupid bint... but it's my review. You're my least favorite Suethor, and I'm calling you a stupid bint because you are. Sorry for the inconvenience.

*

The chicken says bawk

The cow says moo

The dog says bark

So please review!

absurdwords: Just imagine
the sound of an hippopotamus throwing up here.

*

A woman to my right who looked not in the least bit nomaler (a/n normaler idk if that is a word of no but I truly don't care) than the short redheaded woman started talking to her

*

Hi there allow me to interduce myslefs Hypper Hippie, and the voices and the trees. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm me and my friends took liberty of writing this list of things not to do to Voldemort.

*

~Warning~ i cant spell so be ware~

*

Disclaimer: Man, I is some DONT own no kinna harry potter or ne of the
characters, forthwith. I is be dont makin no dough offa it. eat that for
breakfast.

*

sry bout typo's it's late out and the last chapter was written in the dark so i couldn't see the keys all to well.

skarch86: It could be
worse. You could be bartending in the dark. Do you know how difficult that is?

*

(A.N.: I don't like writing in one person's perspective, so deal with this while I try to figure out what to do.) *.* = Draco's Thoughts [.] = Harry's thoughts. {.} = Anna's thoughts : = Hermione's thoughts ; = Ron's thoughts.

*

Ron blushed, but looked at Harry and said, "Mate, that's not the problem." He lowered his voice considerably, but said, "I found one, but are otherwise
incapable of wooing said strumpet." (AN I love Orlando Bloom, and anyone caring enough to read my profile would know this. So I stole these lines from Pirates of the Caribbean.)

eccentricpirate: Now let’s work on subject-verb agreement. I am. You are. I are... Wait. No. I is. Nope, that's not right either.

Also- that is a Depp quote. Jack says that. Will does not. Will is actually quite offended when Jack calls Elizabeth a whore. You did bother to learn what strumpet actually meant before you tried to use it, right?

*

Disclaimer:

If you did not notice,

I’ll tell you again,

this is not my idea,

I got it from a friend. who is JK Rowling

*

Dumbledore looked over to Avemtilla, gave her a smile, and said, "Miss
Avemtilla Shold (pronounced: Sh-old) Dotthill (pronounced: Dot-thill) Hunter,
please come over to the sorting hat and try it on."

jaded_skys: Wait wait
wait.... we get a pronouncation guide for Dotthill and Shold, but not Avemtilla?!? WHAT?!

*

A.N./ Anna Weir is my one of my best friends!(I have two) she is obsessed
with Harry Potter and Billie Joe so I thought I would add her to the story. lol. just thought u ought to know. Oh ya she has a screen name called muffins. read her story called harry potter meets green day its real good...now on with the story :) lol.

*

(A/N: I’m not going to have Peter in this story, because I hate him, and
what he’s done and I don’t think he deserves to be a part of this story….Thanx!)

wulfkub: That's like leaving Judas Escariat out of the Bible...or Darth Vader out of Star Wars...or the whale out of Moby Dick. *headdesk*

beardedtroll: Huh. Strange. Personally I
would have thought including him in the story would be a far worse punishment than leaving him out.

*

Pairing : Harry/Hermione(Ravenclaw) Or Harry/Tonks(Griffindor) Or Harry /
Fem!Blaise Zabini(Slytherin) Or Harry / Susan Bones(Hufflepuff)I don’t know yet it might no be set until deep into the story I might even do a Brides of Power fic here. If I do the adult or adults in the bond will probably be one or a combonationcombination of the following : Narcissa Black (Yes Draco’s mom) and/or Harry’s Elven attendant(Belladonna Bellatrix Black) or even the Pureblood Elven Princess Rowena Ravenclaw . Draco / Evil Ginny , Evil Ron / Pansy

eskimosatan: That's not
pairings, that's an advanced algebra equation! See Harry cancels himself out there, but there's one more left, now you can't divide Hermione into Harry, because she's with Ron, so you carry the pairing and look at the Tonks place, but Tonks is in Griffindor, which isn't a real house, which makes her an imaginary character and therefore a place holder for Fem!Blaise, but you can't divide Fem!Blaise into Harry, because he's gay, which leaves you with Susan Bones to the Hufflepuff power and we can chalk that up to experimentation.


Did everyone get that?

*

DISCLAMER: I dont own anything…Except the plot…and the OC…I am nothing but a fan writing a fan fiction…and no we don’t make any money off of this…its just for fun…(I think)

*

disclaimer: I own nothing that you've heard of and most things you haven't.

*

he sat down and started to work on Potions Homework because Professor M
(sorry don't know how to spell Minerva .....) had started noticing that Snape let Malfoy get away with certain HW.

*

A/N: This starts in the 7th year of James, Sirius and Remus. We're just gonna forget about about Peter because he sucks. then again, there would be no Harry Potter books if it weren't for him. oooooh...the choices!!

*

She then walked by a small store that she never saw before. ‘Tanya’s
Treasures… Hmm, must be new’. (AN: Ok, I know the name is like totally gay, but I really couldn’t think of anything else, sorry).

*

"Yeah. We finish early though class will finish in 15 minutes." said Severus looking at his watch.

(A/N: i dont know if Slytherins really wear watches but in my story they
do.)

*

another a/n: Do not read this fan fiction,I advise you to go and read another happy one. If you read this, there wil be some point of views of the characters.

agatha_s: No! Not point of views! *runs away screaming*




LEAST COMPREHENSIBLE SENTENCE:



He almost peed yourself as it floated in the air!




BEST NEW WORD



"YES IT IS A BIG DEAL. YOU TWO ARE FARTERIZING WITH THE ENEMY."
said James.




BAD DENTAL PROBLEMS



Marcus was a Slytherin 6th year whom a neat black hair brown eyes and the most awful teeth you could ever see. "Fuck" he said when Marcus remembered how long he would have dention.
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