The Babbling Chronicles ([info]babb_chronicles) wrote,
@ 2008-12-19 01:47:00
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Current mood: neive
Current music:"It`s Not Easy Being A Vampire" by Edward Cedric Diggory Cullen

Part CCXXIV - turing every shade of red imanganable
(link)
Summary: we’re all used to the tales of people from new generations or the golden trio’s time or the marauders or even the founders but I’m not going to tell you when this takes place because honestly I don’t really know myself but all that matters is that she could have been in a time where people where rejoicing from the first school for witches and wizards ever or from a time of people laughing and joking about the marauders or from a time where people worship the boy who lived or from a time where people are happy many years after the war when everything seems perfect but what if it’s not well at least for one person I mean it seems like they know everyone and it’s always about someone who saves something or has some truly tragic tale or anything but what about someone who was seen but never noticed this is the diary of a girl who has friends but never felt attached to one particular person just something in common which draws them together
*
I looked back at her face her glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd purple eyes reflecting possibly the last thing she had ever seen, I looked up at the stars and gasped, every star was brighter every star was like her eyes glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd.
**(link)      (Pottersues report)
Andromeda, Bellatrix and McGonagall had fallen in love with the little girl at first glance. Those eyes gorgeous and innocent enough to melt even Satan’s heart. Rodolphus, Ted and Severus had all been gobsmacked at how something so little could be so beautiful and innocent. Dumbledore . . . well Dumbledore had been quite take with the girl. He was visibly mesmerized by her eyes, as was everyone. He treated her as if she was his own granddaughter.

*
Her son was tall, and blonde. Standing at 6"2, he was the same height as Lucius, and 3 inches taller than Narcissa. His platinum-blonde hair was hanging in his face and at the top of his neck. The blonde fringe hung in his eyes, causing him to brush it out of the way every few minutes, only to have it fall back a few seconds later. He was thin, but still muscular. His strong arms and nicely chiselled chest could be seen flexing under the tight black shirt he was wearing.
*
"I know, and that's what makes me pity Pansy."
"You pity Parkinson? I'm the one who has to marry that hideous excuse of a woman." shuddered Draco
*
They had told him that is little sister's name was Talitha Clarabelle, and that she had the most gorgeous eyes anyone had ever seen. They were crystal clear ocean blue with a dark green tinge, and sparkled with life, mischief and intelligence.
*
They had also told him why they had to give their baby up. Abraxas. Lucius had explained that Malfoy's only ever had one son, as far as history was concerned.
*
After flicking through it for ten minutes or so, Talitha decided on a long-sleeved dark purple top with tight black 3/4 jeans, which had a rolled up part at the bottom, about 3 inches wide.
Grabbing a black and purple bra and panties set, she dumped her clothes on the bed and proceeded to get dressed. When she was finished, Talitha walked into her now steam-free bathroom, twirling her wand in her right hand as she contemplated a hairstyle in the mirror. With no idea after 5 minutes, she decided that she didn’t really give a toss, and waved her wand around her head. Her wet hair instantly dried into perfect, soft, sweet-smelling curls that cascaded an inch or two below her shoulders. Placing a thin purple headband on her head, keeping the rest of her hair back, but allowing her fringe to fall around her face, she stared at her reflection.
Sighing as she tucked her fringe behind her ears, Tali observed herself. Everyone at Beauxbatons had told her that she was gorgeous, but the teenager couldn’t see it. She had beautiful hair and eyes, yes, but that was the only thing she could recognise. She didn’t notice her slim figure with curvy hips and slim waist, rounded and B-sized breasts, long unblemished neck, long legs, small hands with long fingers, or her brains and beautiful personality. Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person.
Her favourite part of her body was her eyes. Her entrancing, clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart. They radiated her knowledge, and mischievousness. But, they were also the gateway to her soul. Tali’s eyes would change colour, depending on her mood. So would her hair, but that was the perils of being an Metamorphmagus. When she was angry, her eyes and hair would gain a red tinge, the more intense the anger, the brighter the red. When she felt love and admiration, the green undertone to her eyes would become more prominent, and her usually dark hair would get a blonde tinge.
*
She showered, shaved and washed her hair, using the same products as last time. Rummaging through her trunk for an outfit, she decided on a light blue strapless shirt that reached her mid-thigh and brought out her eyes even more. Under it, she wore a pair of white 3/4 jeans and a pair of white shoes, a slipper-like design with a strap going across the top of the foot.
She then wrapped a white belt around her waist and tied up her curly hair in a ponytail with a piece of white elastic, before tying a bow around it with a strand of white ribbon. Sitting down at her desk and pulling her jewellery box towards her, Tali opened the beautiful little wooden box and pulled out a silver necklace, the pendant of a butterfly. Clasping it securely around her neck, the teen stood up and went to collect the rest of her unpacked stuff. Namely the things she used for the shower, her jewellery box and her book that she was reading the night before. After doing a double-check of the room and finding nothing, the teen headed downstairs for breakfast leaving her packed trunk on the bed.
“Morning, Mia. How are you feeling? Oh, my! You look gorgeous!” gushed Annabelle once she had turned around from the stove.
*
McGonagall had trouble repressing a small smile, her eyes twinkling with amusement.
"Professor?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Is it true that Sirius used to flirt with you? When he was a student here?"
The older woman smiled, lost in memories. "Yes, he did. Although, he was always joking. It was amusing, to say the least. Even if I wasn't allowed to show it. Who told you about that, anyhow?"
"Remus explained it after Sirius called you 'Minnie' one time."
*
Pulling her wand out of her bottoms, she stepped out from under it, and whispered a spell.
*
The dark features and skin made sense when he had informed Tali that he was African.
*
His daughter could be a wholesome young girl, who liked her modesty, even if it was a lost cause, seeing as she was so beautiful. Talitha could be the type of girl to run around the Manor, barefooted and in jeans, with her iPod blaring full-force. Oh, yes . . . he knew about them. ‘Ingenious invention’, according to his niece, Nymphadora.
*
Hermione, Ginny and Pansy all had their wands out, 5 girls behind the Pug too.
*
Pansy raised her chin slightly, but Tali saw right through her pompous charade. “Yes.” she spat.
“Didn’t I tell you that if you ever said that again, I’d make you regret it?”
The brunette/redhead smirked evilly when she saw fear flicker through the other girl’s eyes. If she had have been looking at the other people in the room, she would’ve noticed Draco, Blaise and Snape watching her very closely. “I’ve been at the end of every horrific curse on this earth. Do you really want me to try them on you?”
*
“Merda.” ((Shit.))
A/N: 'Merda' is 'shit' in Italian. In case you forgot from earlier in the chapter, Blaise has Italian heritage.
*
“You don’t remember?” Draco asked slowly and quietly.
The brunette (with pink streaks) shook her head. “No. And why is everyone so reluctant to tell me?” Just then, a flash of pain erupted from the tops of her thighs, a feeling she knew entirely too well. “Again? Raped . . . again?”
*
Hermione had bought her friend a change of clothes to wear the night before, choosing dark blue hipster jeans and a baby blue three-quarter sleeve button-up blouse. She clipped the gorgeous bracelet that she had bought at the start of the year over her left wrist, the pretty blue-green gems shining in the morning light. Her long, bouncy curls were in a high ponytail, the seemingly-permanent streaks of lime green matching her outfit nicely. Tali had no idea what the colour meant, and reminded herself to ask Sirius about it the next time she saw him.
**(link)      (Pottersues report)
Hermione Granger was tired of being known as a know-it-all bookworm with a bush of nettles for hair in the halls of Hogwarts. She was irritated with all of the whispers behind her back that if she focused less on studying and more on her appearance that she would at least look decent enough to attract either Ron Weasley or Harry Potter.
*
Instead of writing down notes and important things to remember about dragon claws she wrote about things she could do over the summer to change her appearance.
A few minutes passed while Hermione furiously scribbled down muggle magazine titles. Her beauty notes, as she mentally titled them, now spanned 3 full pieces of parchment, complete with color coding and a tiny sketch of Ginny Weasley.
*
Hermione sarcastically laughed and proceeded to straighten out her notes. “Anyway, Ginny, would you mind helping me? I’d like to become... I’d like to be more feminine.” The brunette braved a glance at Ginny and was surprised to see a smile.
*
When Hermione felt she was done with the pictures she took out the list that she and Ginny made in the library about feminine clothing. Quickly scanning the insides of her closet, she decided that ninety eight percent of it had to go. So, she started by taking the first items she saw and throwing them on the floor:
Furry sweaters with odd patterns? She threw them on the floor.
Long straight skirts? She threw those on top of the odd sweaters.
Grandma-like dresses? She threw a few of those onto the pile.
Baseball t-shirts in every color? Definitely thrown onto the floor.
Bell bottom jeans? Thrown away.
Statement t-shirts? She threw all but one away (this one stated: I AM BOSS).
*
When Hermione was done 2 hours later she stepped back to enjoy her handiwork. Her closet was fat, fat with tube dresses from Topshop, skinny jeans by Stella McCartney, leggings by Alice + Olivia, tweed coats by Lela Rose and anything and everything trendy found at Neiman Marcus, Barney’s and Saks Fifth Avenue. She squealed with delight as she excitedly ran to take pictures of her new and upgraded closet. Hermione was so glad that her parents were dentists as no one could really afford brand name clothes at Hogwarts sans a certain platinum blonde male.
The brunette was so excited that she even took out a light blue Abaeté dress from the ready-to-wear 2008 spring collection to wear in her room. As soon as she kicked the clothing bags inside her closet she opened a smaller bag filled with 2 pieces of jewelry. From David Yurman, she took out a silver Cable Heart Necklace, and from Juicy Couture she bought a pair of Puffed Crown Stud earrings. She put her jewelry away in their respective boxes and hid them in a drawer in her closet.
Finally, the brunette took out 2 bags filled with all kinds of shoes that nobody would’ve expected her to wear. She bought two pairs of heels from Lela Rose as they had bows on them, she bought some ivy snap boots from Loeffler Randall, and at least five pairs of flats by Marc Jacobs and Corso Como. Lastly she put away a pair of trainers, from Nike, for her everyday shoe.
Exhausted as she was, she still had enough time and energy to look through Elle Décor and bookmark styles she wanted for her room.
**(link)      (Pottersues report)
“Beauxbatons…..Fluer Delacore!”
*
“The gods and goddesses of ancient Greece are real, Draco.” Alice murmured.
“Wha?”
“They have children with mortals known as halfbloods. Those kids are like monster bait. They have to be defeated by us. I’ll prove it.” Alice informed him. A figure in the shadows grinned.
She grabbed her ruby ring (her birthstone) and it seemed to explode into a deadly looking sword, glinting. Her tiny bracelt transformed into a shield with horrific battle scenes; enough to scare Hades.
“Oh.” Draco said. He kissed her passionately.
**(link)      (Pottersues report)
(the fics summary)
THE SUMMARY HAS CHANGED A LITTLE BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD FIT DIFFERENT WITH THIS SUMMARY: SO SHE CAUGHT HIM...BUT WAS IT REALLY HIM? IS HE GAY...OR DOES HE STILL LOVE HER? DRAMIONE...IF YOU DONT LIKE I DONT CARE
*
"Draco! How the hell do you think I feel!" Hermione was yelling, "I mean I caught you with her on the day before Valentines Day!!!!"
"Who gives a shit! I was fuckin' drunk! What did you cook us some romantic candle-lit dinner that I was suppose to eat with you?" He was being sarcastic but it was true!
*
Hermione didn't know it but she had tears slowly coming down her face.:'(
*
"You think he's phsco because he's my boyfriend:'O Ron!" She yelled and ran from the room.
*
Disclaimer: Sadly I only own the idea
GAWD YOU GUYS NEED TO LIKE REVIEW OR LIKE IM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO UPDATE MORE BUT YOU GUYS WON'T REVIEW!!!!
*
"Ay, Blaise, can I have a word with you?" Draco asked his very close friend.
"Yeah, sure. What do you need?" Blaise was tieing his sneakers.
"Well, it's Hermione. You know when you decided to be me for Valentine's Day, and you were shagging Pansy? Yeah, well she saw you guys!
*
"You is the budda, budda!" and with that Blaise ran to the castle yelling "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!!AHHHH...you caught me!"
They ran into the Grand Hall (or whatever that is) together looking VERY fruity (don't worry girls, this is NOT a slash fic) and Draco's face was finally full of color ever since last week.
*
"What I meant is- Oh just come on out here and we'll explain!" Blaise said turing every shade of red imanganable(how ever you spell that).
*
Stupid Malfoys, always having to be so damn mysterious! I can hardly stand it myself!
**
(link)
At first we were sceptical about trusting him. He was doing research for a book and wondered if a vampire could be given magic. I volunteered to help him. Carlisle didn’t want me to but I assured him it was fine and I went with the man. He wanted to see if an aging potion could turn back the time mixed with magic for a certain period of time. A vampire would then be able to live life from a certain age to a certain age. This man wanted to see if I could experience magic through out the school years.
“I allowed this man to put magic in me and it worked. I was eleven years old again. This man said his name was Amos Diggory,” Hermione’s mouth fell open in shock. “Yes, surprising isn’t it. A Ministry official doing something as that. Well, he adopted me for seven years. My family didn’t live too far away, in fact their house was close to the Weasleys and Diggory’s.
“Carlisle kept a watch on things near Amos while I went to Hogwarts. I was able to live like a human. Eat your food, sleep, and I was able to learn magic. However, every full moon, unexpectedly, I would get my vampire urges, just as a werewolf would. I would go, drink the blood of some animal, I stayed clear of the unicorns and those rare ones, and then I would go back to a normal boy.
“Everything was going fine. By the end of my seventh year I would turn back to a vampire and everything would be fine. Until the triwizard tournament.
*
“Exactly, when the Avada Kedavra hit me, it didn’t kill me. It gave the illusion I was dead. I was unconscious and my magic was wiped out of me. I was my normal seventeen year old self I am right now. As the effects of the spell wore off, my body was unconscious while my mind wasn’t. I couldn’t move but I knew exactly what was going on. I wish I could’ve helped Harry, I really do.”
“How do you explain the Prior Incantato?”
“That was the magical me coming out of the wand, not the real me.”
“So what you’re saying is… you’re a vampire who was discovered in the Wizarding world and asked to help with an experiment. You went through seven years of magical lesson just to lose the magic in the end… and now your life is back to normal while Harry, Ron and I went through hell?”
“You make is sound so easy, you have no idea how hard it is to be a vampire,”
**
(link)
Author's Notes: (..) This is actucally kind of based on my own experience. The movie iTwilight/i gets me really turned on. My boyfriend and I have definately been using that to our advantage. *wink*
*
Hermione was not sure what about this movie that always turned her on. It was like an aphrodisiac to her. She had a strong feeling that Sirius has suggested to put it on because he knew what would happen. Always, at the end when the couple finally had their happily ever after, she'd roll over on top of Sirius, straddling his hips and begin to ride his clothed crotch which naturally led them to having hot, wild sex.
**
(link)
I was dressed in my favorite magenta dress with a very low neckline, showing off my cleavage, and a low back as well. Even with my black platform heels on, the skirt still kissed the floor, and the extra inch dragged behind me. The dress hugged my curves, and had a silky feel to it. I loved it because it made me feel extremely feminine.
With my favorite perfume on my neck and my straight dark hair hanging perfectly down my chest, I thought I would get more attention.
*
My parents forced the mark on me as a child; therefore, I had it on my hip.
**(link)      (Pottersues report)
"Well, after her father died, her mother was short to follow. She's been floating around ever since. Lives in the pub if I'm not mistaken. I've seen her I think. She has a few burn marks and I'd not wish to tell you hicky's," his eyes twinkled. "She's so ery young and vulnerable though. Seventeen, this winter." Molly nodded and said, "she shares Fab's birthday." Dumbledore nodded and Arthur's arm was soon around Molly's shaking form. "Albus, what have you come to tell us this for though. No doubt its wonderful news but, is there a specific reason?" Dumbledore nodded and Molly looked at him, her eyes already red and puffy. "Fabian, left you and Arthur full custody of this child. She's now yours." He smiled.
*
his gave Mrs Weasley a good chance to inspect her closer. Her hair was long, only half parted and pulled into a clip so there was a poof in front. Her forehead was covered with a fine sheen of sweat and you could now see her makeup shining. It was completely shimmering and her bright red lipstick was to die for on her perfectly plump lips. Her long earrings cascaded down and a long black chain hung loosely round her kneck, Molly noted it had a picture of Fab on it. Her shirt lifted her breast high and showed way to much cleevage and it was woven down the front like a fine stitch. Her jeans were extremely tight and complimented her low back. Her heels were high and the thin leather laces wrapped around her calves and wove up to her knee like snakes. She smiled brightly, clearly comfortable in this appearance. Molly paid no attention to Arthur's mouth agape. Whether it was the dissappointment or prostitute look, would only be known by Arthur.
*
She rested her elbows on her knees and layed her chin in her hands, then sat there, staring at him in an almost seducing way. He cleared his throat quickly and said, "I came up to get you. Albus said, to bring your things." She rolled her eys and replied, "of course." "Wel, whats that supposed to mean?" "I knew I was going with you I'm not stupit. Do I look dumb to you? Do I look neive?" He backed off and shook his head. "I didn't think so." She slung her back overher shoulder quickly and stalked past him, head and God knows what else in the air. He caught the scent of leather and grime as she walked past and remebered exactly that was Fabian's colone. He shook it of though and straightened his shirt, he was now sweating deeply. He'd be damned it that girl wasn't part veela. This was going to be a hard one.
*
She needed a talking to. 1) that wasn’t right to have said. 2) Well, Arthur didn’t really know two



(60 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]theeternalnoob
2008-12-19 02:17 am UTC (link)
Finally, the brunette took out 2 bags filled with all kinds of shoes that nobody would’ve expected her to wear. She bought two pairs of heels from Lela Rose as they had bows on them, she bought some ivy snap boots from Loeffler Randall, and at least five pairs of flats by Marc Jacobs and Corso Como. Lastly she put away a pair of trainers, from Nike, for her everyday shoe.

If the Nikes are her everyday shoe, when does she wear all the others? Why buy all those shoes if you don't plan to wear them?

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[info]very_last_jedi
2008-12-19 10:22 pm UTC (link)
Don't expect logic out of a shopping fetish fic.

I'm glad that i know this weird stuff only from the reports here and in similar german communities... otherwise it would be a legit reason to bleach your brain out of its worldly residence to get rid of the stupidity this kind of story radiates all through the web :(

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]merusa
2008-12-19 02:31 am UTC (link)
The Twilight/Harry Potter crossovers are KILLIN' ME, SMALLS!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]pica_scribit
2009-02-28 07:01 am UTC (link)
I just can't get over stories about the HP characters going to Forks. FORKS! I guess it's funnier if you actually grew up near there....

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ceilonar
2008-12-19 02:44 am UTC (link)
I looked back at her face her glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd purple eyes reflecting possibly the last thing she had ever seen, I looked up at the stars and gasped, every star was brighter every star was like her eyes glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd.

...My brain. It is dripping out my ears.

"I know, and that's what makes me pity Pansy."
"You pity Parkinson? I'm the one who has to marry that hideous excuse of a woman." shuddered Draco


Has he considered that maybe that's WHY the other person pities her?

Everyone at Beauxbatons had told her that she was gorgeous, but the teenager couldn’t see it. She had beautiful hair and eyes, yes, but that was the only thing she could recognise. She didn’t notice her slim figure with curvy hips and slim waist, rounded and B-sized breasts, long unblemished neck, long legs, small hands with long fingers, or her brains and beautiful personality. Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person.

That and her complete lack of self-confidence.

Grandma-like dresses? She threw a few of those onto the pile.

Wait, only a few? Maybe she's counting on granny dresses becoming retro-chic or something. Who knows?

Tali’s eyes would change colour, depending on her mood. So would her hair, but that was the perils of being an Metamorphmagus Mary Sue.

Pulling her wand out of her bottoms

Wand goes where??

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]eir_de_scania
2008-12-19 02:56 am UTC (link)
Has he considered that maybe that's WHY the other person pities her?

***Exactly.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]anacoluthon
2008-12-19 03:15 am UTC (link)
I may have said this here before, but I pity all the suethors who think that a person can only have one emotion at a time.
What's the appropriate hair/eye color for being sort of hungry, extremely stressed out, cranky, and horny? I'd love to see someone write that into their shitty fic.

"More feminine" Hermione makes me want to vomit. It's really upsetting to know that these people feel the need to take Hermione and turn her into a shallow, fashion-obsessed bimbo.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]beardedtroll
2008-12-19 03:20 am UTC (link)
What's the appropriate hair/eye color for being sort of hungry, extremely stressed out, cranky, and horny?

Prussian blue hair with flesh ochre highlights and dark khaki eyes.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

(no subject) - [info]eir_de_scania, 2008-12-19 04:06 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]beardedtroll, 2008-12-19 04:11 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]eir_de_scania, 2008-12-19 04:17 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]seekingnevada, 2008-12-20 09:37 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]beardedtroll, 2008-12-21 02:17 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]cheryl_bites, 2008-12-21 04:29 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]elethian, 2008-12-22 03:25 am UTC (Expand)

[info]beardedtroll
2008-12-19 03:16 am UTC (link)
I looked up at the stars and gasped, every star was brighter every star was like her eyes glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd.

"My God. It's full of Sues."

His platinum-blonde hair was hanging in his face and at the top of his neck.

The top of his neck is actually a quite suitable place for his face.

"You pity Parkinson? I'm the one who has to marry that hideous excuse of a woman."

"Yes, it's all about you, isn't it, Draco?" The Dark Lord Voldemort snapped in irritation. "You with your dark veela inheritance and your chiseled abs and your blemishless skin and your secret attraction to that curse on my existance Harry Potter. Other people have problems too, you know, or have you been too busy looking at yourself in the mirror to notice?

For instance, I don't have a nose, but do you hear me blather on about it all the time? So you're trapped in an arranged marriage. Well why don't you make like a tree and get over yourself. Albus Dumbledore on a pogo-stick -- people have been trapped in arranged marriages for centuries. Why, Salazar Slytherin himself was trapped in three. Just lie back and think of Hogwarts."

and that she had the most gorgeous eyes anyone had ever seen. They were crystal clear ocean blue with a dark green tinge, and sparkled with life, mischief and intelligence.

They were also squishy and didn't bounce when you threw them to the floor.

Her favourite part of her body was her eyes. Her entrancing, clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart. They radiated her knowledge, and mischievousness. But, they were also the gateway to her soul.

And the Goa'uld had used them to invade and lay waste to her on the astral plane. With her soul firmly under the oppressive thumb of the self-styled gods, there was no happiness in her life and everything seemed dreary and hopeless. She spent her days wandering aimlessly around the French countryside and listened to a lot of Fugazi and My Chemical Romance.

Rummaging through her trunk for an outfit, she decided on a light blue strapless shirt that reached her mid-thigh and brought out her eyes even more.

Although why she'd want to draw attention to her having the Innsmouth look was never explained.

Pulling her wand out of her bottoms,

Ollivander fumed. "What are you doing? Can't you read?" He stabbed his finger angrily on a huge sign that hung behind the counter: "Wands are not sex toys" the sign proclaimed in bold letters.

The dark features and skin made sense when he had informed Tali that he was African.

That still left the knitted sweater with reindeer motif and the sealskin trousers unexplained, though, nor did it explain why his teeth were purple.

Hermione, Ginny and Pansy all had their wands out, 5 girls behind the Pug too.

Olivander cleared his throat and without saying anything tapped his finger loudly against the sign once more.

Just then, a flash of pain erupted from the tops of her thighs, a feeling she knew entirely too well. “Again? Raped . . . again?”

"Man, I've got to stop accepting bubbling drinks from strangers."

Hermione Granger was tired of being known as a know-it-all bookworm with a bush of nettles for hair in the halls of Hogwarts.

So she went to the library to find a book on how to not be a bookworm. Halfway there she suddenly stopped in the hallway and facepalmed. Then she shrugged and continued to the library. Some things just were what they were.

“They have children with mortals known as halfbloods. Those kids are like monster bait.

"Heroes" actually, but the monster bait thing is pretty accurate.

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[info]beardedtroll
2008-12-19 03:16 am UTC (link)
GAWD YOU GUYS NEED TO LIKE REVIEW OR LIKE IM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO UPDATE MORE BUT YOU GUYS WON'T REVIEW!!!!

Some people would take that as a hint.

Blaise said turing every shade of red imanganable

He computed every shade of red possible in manga? Some people have the strangest hobbies.

“You make is sound so easy, you have no idea how hard it is to be a vampire,”

He said and pulled out an acoustic guitar. "This next song, I've called 'I may glitter in sunlight, but my heart is still blue'"

Voldemort sighed. "Yes, Draco. You think you have it tought. We know."

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(no subject) - [info]eir_de_scania, 2008-12-19 06:57 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]beardedtroll, 2008-12-19 11:33 am UTC (Expand)

[info]eir_de_scania
2008-12-19 04:09 am UTC (link)
That still left the knitted sweater with reindeer motif and the sealskin trousers unexplained,
***Only the sealskin trousers. We know he borrowed the sweater from you.

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(no subject) - [info]beardedtroll, 2008-12-19 04:24 am UTC (Expand)

[info]the9thdoctor
2008-12-20 01:37 am UTC (link)
"You pity Parkinson? I'm the one who has to marry that hideous excuse of a woman."

"Yes, it's all about you, isn't it, Draco?" The Dark Lord Voldemort snapped in irritation...

I'm not sure how to type the noise that was my reaction to that comment, but I'm pretty sure it's something like "ashkafurgle"
Maybe I should remember to stop drinking when there's a new Babb...

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - [info]volandum, 2009-01-04 09:01 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]karthzon, 2009-03-07 04:30 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]ajat
2008-12-19 03:40 am UTC (link)
Some amazing stuff here, truly *Snort* But this one near made me choke - "You is the budda, budda!"

Really dunno why. But there it is XD XD

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[info]eir_de_scania
2008-12-19 04:06 am UTC (link)
I looked back at her face her glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd purple eyes reflecting possibly the last thing she had ever seen
***Ding dong the Sue is dead!

That fic smells Troll to me. The internet kind, not the Norwegian!

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[info]littlecodfish
2008-12-19 05:23 am UTC (link)
"Author's Notes: (..) This is actucally kind of based on my own experience. The movie iTwilight/i gets me really turned on. My boyfriend and I have definately been using that to our advantage. *wink*"

WELL GOLLY, THANKS FOR SHARING. BECAUSE YOU KNOW, I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW THAT! D:

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[info]soulstealer213
2008-12-22 06:29 am UTC (link)
I belive that calls for an "awkward turtle".

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[info]saphreanth
2008-12-19 08:10 am UTC (link)
The dark features and skin made sense when he had informed Tali that he was African.

'HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!'
'I'm African.'
'Oh. That makes sense.'

“Oh.” Draco said. He kissed her passionately.

I somehow deleted the middle of this and read it as - "Oh." Draco said passionately. I think it also makes more sense my way.

Hermione didn't know it but she had tears slowly coming down her face.:'(

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! All fics should be written like this, man. That would be amazing. Draco kissed Hermione and she was happy. :D But Harry, who was watching, was angry. >:( Later, he told Ron about it :-*, who felt sick. :S When Ginny found out she was shocked. :O

(don't worry girls, this is NOT a slash fic)

Don't worry about it not being a slash fic? Which fandom does she think she's talking to?!

Her shirt lifted her breast high
Just one breast? That must look very strange.
Her jeans were extremely tight and complimented her low back.
Pfft, mine compliment my liver! So there!
Her heels were high
Her heels and one breast are both "high". You know, I'm really starting to doubt whether the person writing this story is human...
She slung her back overher shoulder quickly...head and God knows what else in the air.
...and I think I'm pretty certain now that this person is not and has also never actually seen a human being before.

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[info]soulstealer213
2008-12-21 02:10 am UTC (link)
"The dark features and skin made sense when he had informed Tali that he was African.

'HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!'
'I'm African.'
'Oh. That makes sense.'"


LAWL!! I laughed for about 10 minutes at this...

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(no subject) - [info]elethian, 2008-12-22 03:26 am UTC (Expand)
"Premarital underpants are not okay!" (Copiright by Cleolinda, of course)
[info]vivian_lake
2008-12-19 08:20 am UTC (link)
>>>"Hermione was not sure what about this movie that always turned her on. It was like an aphrodisiac to her. She had a strong feeling that Sirius has suggested to put it on because he knew what would happen. Always, at the end when the couple finally had their happily ever after, she'd roll over on top of Sirius, straddling his hips and begin to ride his clothed crotch which naturally led them to having hot, wild sex."

...or *would* lead to - if Sirius didn't suddently pushed Hermione back - "gently, but with irresistible force", as Bella Swan would say.
"What?" asked Hermione, not even trying to hide her distress and disappointment.
"We can't have sex", Sirius answered gravely, "Edward wouldn't approve".
And so they lived abstinently ever after.

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[info]cheryl_bites
2008-12-19 11:12 am UTC (link)
Brilliant!!

"What?" asked Hermione, not even trying to hide her distress and disappointment.

Don't you mean her chagrin? XD

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(no subject) - [info]vivian_lake, 2008-12-20 08:17 am UTC (Expand)

[info]cheryl_bites
2008-12-19 11:11 am UTC (link)
Those eyes gorgeous and innocent enough to melt even Satan’s heart.

"Look into your heart!"

"What heart?"

They had also told him why they had to give their baby up. Abraxas. Lucius had explained that Malfoy's only ever had one son, as far as history was concerned.

This is the strangest excuse for abandoning a child I have ever heard. What about geography? Double science? Ancient Runes?

Talitha walked into her now steam-free bathroom, twirling her wand in her right hand as she contemplated a hairstyle in the mirror. With no idea after 5 minutes, she decided that she didn’t really give a toss,

YES!!! AT LAST!!!!!!

The dark features and skin made sense when he had informed Tali that he was African.

There are so many things wrong with this sentence that I think I'll just focus on "features and skin". I'm trying to work out which of his features didn't have any skin over them, and how they could still manage to be black.

I hate Pansy-bashing.

“I’ve been at the end of every horrific curse on this earth. Do you really want me to try them on you?”

I think this means "I've been at the wrong end of every horrific curse on this earth", and I can't see why that's supposed to be an effective threat. "I've lost duels lots of times! Let me lose one against you, too!"

Also, how many earths has she been to?

“Merda.” ((Shit.))
A/N: 'Merda' is 'shit' in Italian. In case you forgot from earlier in the chapter, Blaise has Italian heritage.


Vaffunculo!

“You don’t remember?” Draco asked slowly and quietly.
The brunette (with pink streaks) shook her head. “No. And why is everyone so reluctant to tell me?” Just then, a flash of pain erupted from the tops of her thighs, a feeling she knew entirely too well. “Again? Raped . . . again?”


I am SO disturbed that The Instant Rapist has sneaked up and violated her while she's having this conversation with Draco.

Her long, bouncy curls were in a high ponytail, the seemingly-permanent streaks of lime green matching her outfit nicely. Tali had no idea what the colour meant, and reminded herself to ask Sirius about it the next time she saw him.

"It means she's a Sue."

"Oh, dear."

Hermione Granger was tired of being known as a know-it-all bookworm with a bush of nettles for hair

*Impressed* That would be so much cooler than being a gorgon!

Hermione was so glad that her parents were dentists as no one could really afford brand name clothes at Hogwarts sans a certain platinum blonde male.

*Brain blows a fuse trying to decode this sentence*

1. She wants her parents to strap Draco into a dentist's chair and torture him until he stops wearing his horrible flashy gear?

2. Everyone at Hogwarts (apart from Draco) has horrible teeth, and is so heavily indebted to Hermione's parents that they can't even afford clothes from Asda? (I mean, not being able to afford clothes with any brand name? Fuck me, that really would be poor.)

3. She can't afford the clothes she wants, so she's going to weave them out of dental floss?

All of those make infinitely more sense than that she genuinely wants to wear designer clothes at Hogwarts to impress people, or that dentists routinely buy haute couture for their teenage children.

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[info]evelanstoneleaf
2008-12-19 08:56 pm UTC (link)
Oh! I can decode.

Hermione was so glad that her parents were dentists as no one [else] could really afford brand name clothes at Hogwarts sans[French for 'Without'] a certain platinum blonde male[Presumably Malfoy].

So, in essence, no one else can afford any 'brand name clothes' that are without malfoy on them.

...
...

It still doesn't make much sense...

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(no subject) - [info]seekingnevada, 2008-12-20 10:21 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]the9thdoctor, 2008-12-20 01:42 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]karthzon, 2009-03-07 04:35 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]cheryl_bites
2008-12-19 11:11 am UTC (link)
"Draco! How the hell do you think I feel!" Hermione was yelling, "I mean I caught you with her on the day before Valentines Day!!!!"
"Who gives a shit! I was fuckin' drunk! What did you cook us some romantic candle-lit dinner that I was suppose to eat with you?" He was being sarcastic but it was true!


She was already cooking it the day before?? Must have been a biryani...

"You is the budda, budda!" and with that Blaise ran to the castle yelling "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!!AHHHH...you caught me!"
They ran into the Grand Hall (or whatever that is) together looking VERY fruity (don't worry girls, this is NOT a slash fic) and Draco's face was finally full of color ever since last week.


And the ghosts were just having a party, with musical saws... really, wtf is going on here? *Meditates with Buddha!Blaise*

At first we were sceptical about trusting him. He was doing research for a book and wondered if a vampire could be given magic. I volunteered to help him. Carlisle didn’t want me to

North Cumbria held a referendum on whether the Sue should be allowed to continue her intolerably stupid quest. Me and my mum made sure to vote "nay".

“I allowed this man to put magic in me

*Sings* "I got the magic in me..."

God, imagine all the poor relatives who get dragged along to the Twilight film, only to find that as well as watching the crappy flick, they have to put up with teenagers shagging in the next row.

With my favorite perfume on my neck and my straight dark hair hanging perfectly down my chest, I thought I would get more attention.



"Well, after her father died, her mother was short to follow.

I'm picturing Charon with a little height chart, saying, "Oh, no! You're not coming on my ferry, midget."

It was completely shimmering and her bright red lipstick was to die for

Provided you're tall enough.

"I knew I was going with you I'm not stupit. Do I look dumb to you?

The words "goal" and "open" spring to mind.

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[info]the9thdoctor
2008-12-20 01:46 am UTC (link)
North Cumbria held a referendum on whether the Sue should be allowed to continue her intolerably stupid quest. Me and my mum made sure to vote "nay".

My fiance and I wholeheartedly join you in that vote.

...but the name of that 'Sue did provide amusing mental images...

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(no subject) - [info]soulstealer213, 2008-12-21 02:19 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]cheryl_bites, 2008-12-21 12:27 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]soulstealer213, 2008-12-22 06:21 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]cheryl_bites, 2008-12-22 02:42 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]elethian, 2008-12-22 03:30 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]cheryl_bites, 2008-12-22 02:36 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]aquabadger
2008-12-20 12:47 am UTC (link)
...tight black 3/4 jeans....she wore a pair of white 3/4 jeans
Does anyone actually know what 3/4 jeans actually are? I feel that, as a teenage girl, this should be something I know about (about which I should know?). But then, I also don't write superfluously descriptive, badly-masked self-insert fic.

When she felt love and admiration, the green undertone to her eyes would become more prominent, and her usually dark hair would get a blonde tinge.
Why do people still think it's a good idea to do this with your characters? It's like the fanfic equivalent of the mullet: Everyone seems to acknowledge that it's a bad idea, yet there's somehow this bizarre minority who continue to think it's awesome.

Pulling her wand out of her bottoms, she stepped out from under it, and whispered a spell.
I was going to say something like "And apparently this Sue is walking around in a bikini, hexing people", but then I realized that this probably actually was the plot.

The brunette (with pink streaks) shook her head.
The brunette (with mohawk) heaved a sigh.

Hermione had bought her friend a change of clothes to wear the night before, choosing dark blue hipster jeans and a baby blue three-quarter sleeve button-up blouse.
This proved to be a bad decision, as all the jeans did all night was talk about indie music and mutter about how it was considering buying a trucker hat.

Instead of writing down notes and important things to remember about dragon claws she wrote about things she could do over the summer to change her appearance.
A few minutes passed while Hermione furiously scribbled down muggle magazine titles. Her beauty notes, as she mentally titled them, now spanned 3 full pieces of parchment, complete with color coding and a tiny sketch of Ginny Weasley.

Fics like this just piss me off. It is necessary to the series for Hermione to be smart. There is no reason to make her a talentless bimbo whose only purpose is to attractive. What do they think this is, Twilight?

When Hermione felt she was done with the pictures she took out the list that she and Ginny made in the library about feminine clothing. Quickly scanning the insides of her closet, she decided that ninety eight percent of it had to go.
Long straight skirts? She threw those on top of the odd sweaters.
Grandma-like dresses? She threw a few of those onto the pile.

I can only assume the author thinks these are masculine.

The brunette was so excited that she even took out a light blue Abaeté dress from the ready-to-wear 2008 spring collection to wear in her room. As soon as she kicked the clothing bags inside her closet she opened a smaller bag filled with 2 pieces of jewelry. From David Yurman, she took out a silver Cable Heart Necklace, and from Juicy Couture she bought a pair of Puffed Crown Stud earrings.
Finally, the brunette took out 2 bags filled with all kinds of shoes that nobody would’ve expected her to wear. She bought two pairs of heels from Lela Rose as they had bows on them, she bought some ivy snap boots from Loeffler Randall, and at least five pairs of flats by Marc Jacobs and Corso Como. Lastly she put away a pair of trainers, from Nike, for her everyday shoe.

...I feel like I just smoked a Vogue.

She grabbed her ruby ring (her birthstone) and it seemed to explode into a deadly looking sword, glinting. Her tiny bracelt transformed into a shield with horrific battle scenes; enough to scare Hades.
“Oh.” Draco said. He kissed her passionately.

I love how unimpressed with this Draco is. It is almost in character.

Always, at the end when the couple finally had their happily ever after, she'd roll over on top of Sirius, straddling his hips and begin to ride his clothed crotch which naturally led them to having hot, wild sex.
Getting off on a "happily ever after" strikes me as kind of like getting off on school primers.

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[info]pica_scribit
2009-02-28 07:43 am UTC (link)
It's like the fanfic equivalent of the mullet: Everyone seems to acknowledge that it's a bad idea, yet there's somehow this bizarre minority who continue to think it's awesome.

*giggle* Now I want to see a Sue (or Stu) with a mullet.

Fics like this just piss me off. It is necessary to the series for Hermione to be smart. There is no reason to make her a talentless bimbo whose only purpose is to attractive. What do they think this is, Twilight?

Apparently. These are the same authors who tend to make Hermione pure-blood as well. It's hard to believe that, after seven books, people can still fail to get the point of one of the central characters. *sigh* It's OK for girls to like pretty things or want to be feminine, so long as they realise there's more to life than that.

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[info]adelate
2008-12-20 07:04 pm UTC (link)
I haven't read others' comments yet so if there's overlap, um, my bad?

I looked back at her face her glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd purple eyes reflecting possibly the last thing she had ever seen, I looked up at the stars and gasped, every star was brighter every star was like her eyes glorious yet different yet beautiful yet odd.
...yet fantastic yet curious yet green yet blue yet hungry yet silly.

gobsmacked at how something so little could be so beautiful and innocent
As opposed to hideous and immoral?

Being funny, smart, witty, sarcastic, loyal, brave, stubborn, hard-headed, loving, caring, friendly and beautiful is what made Talitha an all-round gorgeous person a Mary Sue.

Just then, a flash of pain erupted from the tops of her thighs, a feeling she knew entirely too well. “Again? Raped . . . again?”
...her thighs?

When Hermione was done 2 hours later she stepped back to enjoy her handiwork. Her closet was fat, fat with tube dresses from Topshop, skinny jeans by Stella McCartney, leggings by Alice + Olivia, tweed coats by Lela Rose and anything and everything trendy found at Neiman zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz huh? Is she done yet?

Okay, aphrodisiac!Twilight fic makes me cringe. WTF, Sirius, you dirty old man. Also, Hermione, what the hell? Twilight?

Whether it was the dissappointment or prostitute look, would only be known by Arthur.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Then again, it's a common feeling with these quotes.

Awesome batch, as usual. ;)

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[info]beardedtroll
2008-12-20 07:55 pm UTC (link)
...her thighs?

One word: Zeus.

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(no subject) - [info]adelate, 2008-12-20 07:59 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]soulstealer213
2008-12-21 02:05 am UTC (link)
“The gods and goddesses of ancient Greece are real, Draco.” Alice murmured.
“Wha?”
“They have children with mortals known as halfbloods. Those kids are like monster bait. They have to be defeated by us. I’ll prove it.” Alice informed him. A figure in the shadows grinned.
She grabbed her ruby ring (her birthstone) and it seemed to explode into a deadly looking sword, glinting. Her tiny bracelt transformed into a shield with horrific battle scenes; enough to scare Hades.
“Oh.” Draco said. He kissed her passionately."



WOW totally NOT stolen from the Percy Jackson books!!!!

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[info]cheryl_bites
2008-12-21 12:26 pm UTC (link)
It's plagiarised, is it? Should have guessed. XD

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(no subject) - [info]soulstealer213, 2008-12-22 06:25 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-12-25 06:29 am UTC (Expand)

[info]nimbus1944
2008-12-21 05:12 pm UTC (link)
They had told him that is little sister's name was Talitha Clarabelle, and that she had the most gorgeous eyes anyone had ever seen. They were crystal clear ocean blue with a dark green tinge, and sparkled with life, mischief and intelligence.

Sorry, but being an older American, my mental pictures for the name Clarabelle are not exactly gorgeous:




GAWD YOU GUYS NEED TO LIKE REVIEW OR LIKE IM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO UPDATE MORE BUT YOU GUYS WON'T REVIEW!!!!
Heellp! I've been kidnapped by a badfic author who's trying to relate to me!

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[info]elethian
2008-12-22 03:32 am UTC (link)
Her entrancing, clear blue-green eyes that could melt even Satan’s heart.

Uh, shouldn't Satan's heart be... oh I dunno... on fire or something?

Stupid Malfoys, always having to be so damn mysterious!

MACRO PLZ

My parents forced the mark on me as a child; therefore, I had it on my hip.

I think you skipped a few steps in this proof.

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[info]karthzon
2009-03-07 04:43 pm UTC (link)
I think the assumption is:
forced {X} on me as a child = rape = related to the hip.

I don't even know. I'm just trying to make sense of it.

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[info]pica_scribit
2009-02-28 06:28 am UTC (link)
Pulling her wand out of her bottoms, she stepped out from under it, and whispered a spell.

That can't possibly mean what it sounds like, but it sounds friggin' hilarious!

The brunette/redhead smirked evilly when she saw fear/pain/anger/lust flicker through the other girl’s eyes/nose/feet/bosom.

a bush of nettles for hair in the halls of Hogwarts.

That's an ... interesting euphemism for Hermione's girl bits.

Hermione was so glad that her parents were dentists as no one could really afford brand name clothes at Hogwarts sans a certain platinum blonde male.

Then she remembered that she lived in England, not America where dentists make great wodges of cash.

"You think he's phsco because he's my boyfriend:'O Ron!" She yelled and ran from the room.

I'm confused. Is his name Phsco or O'Ron?

“How do you explain the Prior Incantato?”
“That was the magical me coming out of the wand, not the real me.”


Two points for *trying* to take canon into account. Minus five million points for writing a HP/Twilight movie crossover in the first place.

“You make is sound so easy, you have no idea how hard it is to be a vampire,”

Yeah; I hear you have to be all super strong and sparkly and really, really pretty.

Author's Notes: (..) This is actucally kind of based on my own experience. The movie iTwilight/i gets me really turned on. My boyfriend and I have definately been using that to our advantage. *wink*

I pity your boyfriend. Except that he's probably a teenager and just happy to be getting laid. Also, you know, ew.

With my favorite perfume on my neck and my straight dark hair hanging perfectly down my chest, I thought I would get more attention.

Is this a story about Cousin Itt's sister, Ittina?

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