The Babbling Chronicles ([info]babb_chronicles) wrote,
@ 2009-01-02 02:57:00
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Current mood: lustourous
Current music:hearing the groan of stone

Part CCXXV - like a whorl
Hope you all had happy holidays!

(link)
(from the “disclaimer”)
I am an American. So this fic with be Americanized.
*
Draco’s face turned into another sneer similar to Snape’s. “Hmph. You are not evil enough to be my cat.”
*
Indeed his lightning bolt scar was almost unrecognizable beneath the fur. The newer scar however, a long one that went over his right eye and down half his face, was very seeable. Looked kinda cool.
It added character to his face. Gave his face a hardness that accompanied his gaze. He wondered what it looked like when he was human. If he ever became human again.

*
“It’s the toad. Toads have a natural defense when larger animals try to eat them. They urinate.” She explained to them.
‘It pissed in my mouth!’ Harry yelled and began to spit and gag even more in a hurry to get rid of the taste and foam.
**
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But what a sight she was. Raven black hair, the palest skin I’ve ever seen. That is quite a feat, since I, myself, am very pale. I think her eyes were purple, very strange color. Her hair drifted over her alabaster shoulders, down to her almost too slender waist. All she wore was a simple tank and a pair of worn jeans. She had neither socks nor shoes. She didn’t seem to need them. It was odd she did not wear them, but what wasn’t about her?
**
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Hogwarts watched the giant squid approach and felt apprehension well up in his kitchen. “What are you doing?” The words weren’t spoken, but they were understood.
“Just trust me,” the giant squid replied, caressing Hogwarts’ outerwalls.
“I’m not ready!” Hogwarts exclaimed, trying to push the giant squid away with his magic.
“Hogwarts, you’re lonely, I’m lonely. We don’t have to be. Besides, you can’t go around manipulating your staircases.”
*
“I’ll go slow. I promise.” He began to caress a window, teasing it open. Hogwarts sighed, the fight leaving him. He relaxed, allowing the tentacle inside, where it brushed against the inner walls before settling on the stone floor. He fastened the suction cups to the floor, lifting the tentacle away so that it pulled on the floor without losing its grip.
Another sigh swept through the halls of Hogwarts. “Oh, Merlin. That feels so good.” His rapture turned to fright as he felt a tentacle work its way into a second window. “I don’t—“
“Trust me. It’ll feel good. Remember this?” He pulled the suction cups a little harder and Hogwarts groaned.
*
Hogwarts could take them all, he knew he could. But what would the other wizarding schools think? Would Beauxbatons allow a giant squid to violate her? Certainly not! If Durmstrang ever found out, there’d be no end of teasing.
*
“It’s a simple answer: yes or no. Now I’ll have to punish you.” And with that, he struck Hogwarts square on the outer wall with a paddle-like tentacle. Hogwarts yelped and tried to squirm away, but the tentacles and his foundation held firm. The giant squid struck him with the other. Again and again he spanked the naughty wizarding school until he sobbed for the giant squid to stop. And still he spanked.
The giant squid finally stopped, but Hogwarts didn’t have time for a reprieve before the giant squid forced his extra long, spanking tentacles into two separate windows.
*
Then it happened: water shot out of faucets, toilets overflowed and bread set in ovens to keep warm by thoughtful house-elves exploded. Hogwarts shook violently to his foundations, rousing Filch from bed and sending house-elves and Mrs Norris scrambling for cover. Even Hagrid heard the groan of stone and came running.
**
(link)
Personality: The smart kid who thinks before doing something that mildly represent trouble, but also has the tendency to go all 'manly' on a chick if he's really into her. (not manly like buff 'look at my tits, i mean pecks' but the more lustourous heart-throb with the amazing voice)
Important facts: same with the sirius deal, just gonna put in the fact that he is a werewolf cuz thats pretty major.
James and Peter are not describe here, and thats because it is a love triangle between Sirius:tsuki-Chan:Remus.
iff you want one then email me and I'll give you one.
*
"I speak Nihon(Japanese). Wakaouji-San, I want to apologise for Sirius. He's really Baka, so don't pay attention to him." I said, Hoping my Japanese hadn't gotten worse because I had not spoken it in a while. She Stopped and turned, tears running down her pale skin. "You speak Nihon? Well Arigato(Thank you) then, um, Boy-San(Boy)"
"Call Me Remus. May I ask you something?" I asked.
"Hai (yes), Remus-San"
That's When I noticed the way she looked. She reminded me of the forbidden Forrest's dark faeries that live along the rivers. Dark Hair, and eyes of a violet shade. And her posture looked as if she had been raised strictly traditionally. But Despite her looks, I couldn't help but wonder how she could hear me when I could barely hear myself even with my enhanced hearing.
*
He then, pulled me slowly to my feet, and helped me to Madam Popperry.
**(link)      (Pottersues report)
You are a Vampire/ witch. Your mother had been a vampire and your dad had been a witch.
*
You have resently found out some very grim news. There has been a Phrophecy made about you Harry and Voldemort. You have never tasted blood so you can be in the sun as long as you want but the minute you taste blood you will not be able to go in the sun. The prophecy says that you will be pretty much bait to lure Harry to meet Voldemort. And then you and him will have the truest love. You will draw harrys blood as the first love you will ever taste. Voldeemort will be torturing Harry and when he gets close to dieing you will save his life and for that will be made to die in sunlight. If it is really true love between you and Harrythe out come of the final battle will be wonderful. But if it is not true love the out come will be regretful.
*
Finally Harrys POV
From the minute you first saw her an hour ago you were in love. She was wearing all black but it looked so right on her. She was short especially compared to Ron. She had dark brown hair that almost exactly matched her eyes and her skin is tanned. She was rather skinny.
**
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Me and Lucius were part-time lovers. Its kinda hard to be full time lovers, when one is sleeping with Voldemort.
Once looking like a snake, now, he looks like a fallen angel. Vol- no Tom had creamy paled skin. His red eyes and brown hair that outlined his face.
*
“Weasely, unless you want your parents to see you in a body bag next time you go home, you won't question what others say. Right now, only three people out of your group are not outsiders. Severus, Draco, and Harry. The rest of you are outsiders, and people here don't like outsiders. And another warning, never say the word Fag at this school. Over half the population here is gay or lesbian. Very few straight, and the rest bi.
**
(link)
So….. Yeah My names Katy and I own NOTHING!!!! Giggles this is my first fan fiction EVER and I am unsure on what exactly will be the rating at the moment but the first chap. Is gonna be pretty dossal. So I’m just gonna set it to M to be safe!! As I said I own nothing but the results that may occur.
**
(link)
I am currently in the airport that my father owns along with my friends and younger cousin MIMI which was her nick name since she was little, and my other cousin Ana who is the same age as me. Our friends that are with us are Edward, Jasper, Emmet, Jessica and Amy.
*
Along with the dress, which was pricey, I am also wearing 4 inch white heels which were on sale for one thousand dollars, but they don’t need to know how much I spend on clothes or how little it impacts by bank account. I think what surprised them the most is that I now had green, navy blue, and red highlights with purple tips in my hair. I look nothing like when they saw me last which was only about a week ago.
“Hermione?” Ron was the first to speak. He looked at me differently than he used to. The dress and heels where too much for him and Harry.
I looked over to the junior Mr. Malfoy and he had his mouth open looking at me. Great. Just what I needed.
“Hermione why did you wear white when white is for purity and your not a virgin anymore? “ Emmettasked me (A\N someone in school asked me that as a j\k so i so had to add it in there lol so i want to thank them for giving me the idea)
*
“Hermione why are you here?” asked Mrs. Weasley asked seeing that I would not answer Ron.
“Oh sorry about that zone out. Itachi has that affect on me a lot. Will we are going to my summer house in California. How about you guys I thought you where going to some ball?” I asked
“Will the ball that we’re going to is in California the one where we will be staying in a summer house with them.” she said looking that the Malfoy. I looked at the Malfoy’s each of males gave me a duty look while the mother smiled at me.
*
“ok then if I and I will win, you have to give me you money for the whole summer and wash my clothiers along with that and you have to act like a whorl every time we go to the mall and you will have to gave me pig back rides when ever I want one.”
*
“Take us to the nears club. “
“Yes Miss Hermione.” and they where off (A\n Man this makes me want to go clubbing and meet hot guys1.1!!)With Harry and the others.
“Miss Hermione and her friends are lively as always its good for them to be like that don’t you think Amanda?” a women from the café shop said
“You know Hermione?” Harry asked her
“Why yes everyone knows her she being coming here since she was a little baby, she was always too smart for her own good and her friends are always with her to bad they don’t go to the same school. Am such she would enjoy it better if they where there with her.”
“What do you mean Hermione loves school she the best in the class.” Ron said
“Oh you go to the school” both Ron and Harry nodded
“Will she dose like school but she not the type to just sit there and do nothing she needs her friends she is just a rebel when it come to her mother and father and the way she has become. I guess that why she never cared much for her own safety but her friends are with her so they will help her thought what ever she need, “
“Don’t speak too soon remember last yarer she ends up the hospital for over dose?”
“WHAT?” both Harry and Ron yelled them where both surprised at this?
*
“why you don’t know? What a shamed lets just say that what you seen in school is not always what you get in really life since school and out of school is different.” Amanda said smiling
“DON’T SAY THAT ABOUT HER!! HERMIONE THE ONE WHO GAVE YOU TWO THIS JOB AND YOU THINK HER BY TELLING THEOSE PEPOPLE BAD THINGS ABOUT HER!?” A girl a few older then them she was yelling at the two women that where talking to them
“sorry” they both mumbered
*
“oh the Weasley and potter Hermione told me about you! You the goodly good shoe who never do anything wild and the Malfoy’s are the rich family who try and put her down every time they see her don’t see why you don’t even reach her knees.” she said giving the Malfoy’s a dirty look
“oh and who do you think you are?” Draco asked
“am one of Hermione play mates when we where younger but as we grow I became her personnel maid and her close friend she always tells me about her school.”
*
By the way am Tom am Addy twin brother. And Hermione’s other playmate as a child, her butler, secrete keeper And when ever I feel like it am her body guard.” he said as he smiled at everyone that came in.
*
“so what dose her parents do for a living? They cant have too much since they are only muggles” Lucius said
“your so wronged. Hermione is the only heiress of over 50 air ports, 10 business and to the Adrian and granger are partners in business and other things as will. They have more then the Malfoy have or would dream of having. She also has contacts that you would only dram of. “ Addy said proud of how she work for.
“how is that possible she acts like she from a lower class.”
“will she only dose that when she in school with you when she out of school she act much more like how she should act. She dose it to please her parents but once she with her friends she goes wild
**
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“I know, Bella. Don’t worry. You, Isabella Marie Potter Summers Swan, were always the calm and rational one.”
“Yes, I know. And you can add Cullen at the end of my name now,” I said with a smile. Harry always tried to cheer me up, even if it was at a bad time.
*
My real name isn’t just Isabella Marie Swan, but Isabella Marie Potter Summers Swan Turner. I am actually seventeen and will forever be seventeen unless I wish to grow. My mother is Elizabeth Swan and my father is William Turner. I have two older siblings, Harry James Potter Summer Swan Turner and Buffy Potter Summers Swan Turner. We are triplets.
*
That’s why our names are so long. We had our godparents name with them. My brother went with the Potters and my sister went with the Summers, while I went with the Swans. But really, our family is quite big. I have aunts and uncles and cousins that are pirates, wizards, witches, werewolves, vampires, demons, angels and every other mythical creature that is out there.
**
(link)
It was a beautiful day, Voldemort was dead, dead, dead!
*
Yes this had worked out well, he now had Sirius Black just as he wanted him, in dog form. Snape was Slytherin and he had planned the whole thing
*
She smiled at him and gave him a card, with her number on it smiling and Snape took it. Ah yes he forgot that one great thing about a dog, they could attract women and he would call her (yes he has a telephone folks) Padfoot was turning out to be good for more than just a pet it seemed.
*
“Is there a reason you thought it funny to keep my godfather a dog for a week?” Harry said.
“Payback, he was a great bullying git long after I stopped being mean to him.” Snape said. “I merely wished to put him in his place.”
“Yea you took me to the vet, had me examined, given shots and, and bathed!” Sirius said.
“I did not neuter you.” Snape said.
“No but…”
“Or beat you.”
“No but you…”
“Or make you sleep outside.”
“What you did…”
“I got you a fleece bed, good food and even let you play with Lucius’ dogs.” Snape said. “I was more than kind to you.”
“Well I guess I cannot stay mad.” Harry said.
“No neither can I.” Narcissa said.
“Well Sirius if Snape had wanted to truly hurt you well then you would have been locked outside.” Remus said.
*
“Why would you wish to have Sirius stay a dog?” Dumbledore asked.
“Severus deserves his payback.” Remus said.
“Black needs discipline, this will teach it to him.” McGonagall said. “Besides he is such a nice dog.”
“Very well, one week.”



Thanks to:
[info]spoofmaster for both the cat!Harry fic and the dog!Sirius fic



(45 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]kissed_by_fate
2009-01-02 03:19 am UTC (link)
My real name isn’t just Isabella Marie Swan, but Isabella Marie Potter Summers Swan Turner. I am actually seventeen and will forever be seventeen unless I wish to grow. My mother is Elizabeth Swan and my father is William Turner. I have two older siblings, Harry James Potter Summer Swan Turner and Buffy Potter Summers Swan Turner. We are triplets.

Ow ow ow OW FUCKING OW! How many realms will this author violate? She must be stopped!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But... this makes up for it, almost... And with that, he struck Hogwarts square on the outer wall with a paddle-like tentacle. Hogwarts yelped and tried to squirm away, but the tentacles and his foundation held firm.

Hogwarts Hentai.

Edited at 2009-01-02 03:19 am UTC

(Reply to this)


[info]j_daisy
2009-01-02 03:46 am UTC (link)
Even Hagrid heard the groan of stone and came running.

He will never be the same.

(Reply to this)


[info]skirmish_of_wit
2009-01-02 03:51 am UTC (link)
Hogwarts watched the giant squid approach and felt apprehension well up in his kitchen

Greatest line EVER.

(Reply to this)


[info]cheryl_bites
2009-01-02 04:00 am UTC (link)
(from the “disclaimer”) XD The inverted commas make this.

But what a sight she was. Raven black hair, the palest skin I’ve ever seen. That is quite a feat, since I, myself, am very pale. I think her eyes were purple, very strange color. Her hair drifted over her alabaster shoulders, down to her almost too slender waist.

*Insert obligatory criticism of Twilight here*

It was odd she did not wear them, but what wasn’t about her?

Yes. It's ALL about her. We know.

More Squidwarts? *Sighs*

*Repeats doggedly to self:* The "Japanese" is a troll. The "Japanese" is a troll. The "Japanese" is a troll... There is no way any real human could be that stupid.

Me and Lucius were part-time lovers. Its kinda hard to be full time lovers, when one is sleeping with Voldemort.

I love this logic! <3

“Weasely, unless you want your parents to see you in a body bag next time you go home, you won't question what others say. Right now, only three people out of your group are not outsiders. Severus, Draco, and Harry. The rest of you are outsiders, and people here don't like outsiders. And another warning, never say the word Fag at this school.

Yeah, Ron has to be homophobic, because Ron is ugly. *Rolls eyes*

Giggles this is my first fan fiction EVER and I am unsure on what exactly will be the rating at the moment but the first chap. Is gonna be pretty dossal.

*Scratches head* Dorsal? No... Colossal?... I give up.

pirates, wizards, witches, werewolves, vampires, demons, angels and every other mythical creature that is out there.

Pirates are mythical creatures?... I did not know that.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]j_daisy
2009-01-02 04:56 am UTC (link)

Giggles this is my first fan fiction EVER and I am unsure on what exactly will be the rating at the moment but the first chap. Is gonna be pretty dossal.

*Scratches head* Dorsal? No... Colossal?... I give up.


Shark week!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]grubby_tap
2009-01-02 05:49 am UTC (link)
*Scratches head* Dorsal? No... Colossal?... I give up.

i think docile. woo!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]vvvexation
2009-01-02 09:39 am UTC (link)
Pirates are mythical creatures?... I did not know that.

Just like ninjas. *nods sagely*

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ankaret
2009-01-02 11:38 am UTC (link)
*Scratches head* Dorsal? No... Colossal?... I give up.

'Do sale? (which is where the Mary Sues buy their red, pink, purple and puke-coloured highlights)

Dossal: an ecclesiastical ornamented cloth suspended behind an altar?

A really, really bad attempt at spelling 'dazzling'?

Eh, I got nothin'.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]kakeochi_umai
2009-01-03 09:31 am UTC (link)
*Repeats doggedly to self:* The "Japanese" is a troll. The "Japanese" is a troll.

Please, please let it be a troll. *sobs*

Edited at 2009-01-03 09:31 am UTC

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]kakeochi_umai
2009-01-03 09:35 am UTC (link)
Giggles this is my first fan fiction EVER and I am unsure on what exactly will be the rating at the moment but the first chap. Is gonna be pretty dossal.

*Scratches head* Dorsal? No... Colossal?... I give up.


Maybe Ann M. Martin wrote this fic and "dossal" is another made up word in the same vein as "dibble"?

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ryuu_no_namida
2009-01-02 04:09 am UTC (link)
Oh my Good God. The Japanese fic where the person speaks "Nihon" is painful. PAINFUL!!!!

On the other hand, I can't decide if the Hogwarts/Squid fic is brilliant or frightening.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]pica_scribit
2009-03-01 01:26 am UTC (link)
Can't it be both?

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sayingsorry_hh
2009-01-02 04:31 am UTC (link)
Oh, god. Everyone is going to mention this fic, but Squid/Hogwarts is the...best?... thing ever. lololololololololol

(Reply to this)


[info]soulstealer213
2009-01-02 04:44 am UTC (link)
"green, navy blue, and red highlights with purple tips in my hair"

EWWWW!!!!! >.< Horrid mental images are floating like sugarplums through my head....

(Reply to this)


[info]canonball13
2009-01-02 04:52 am UTC (link)
Draco’s face turned into another sneer similar to Snape’s. “Hmph. You are not evil enough to be my cat.”

Best line of 2009, so far. Seriously. *lololol*

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[info]callmebombshell
2009-01-06 09:03 pm UTC (link)
I couldn't agree more XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ryttu3k
2009-01-02 05:28 am UTC (link)
SQUIDWARTS. BEST THING EVER. SERIOUSLY.

The evil cat line is fucking hilarious.

My real name isn’t just Isabella Marie Swan, but Isabella Marie Potter Summers Swan Turner. I am actually seventeen and will forever be seventeen unless I wish to grow. My mother is Elizabeth Swan and my father is William Turner. I have two older siblings, Harry James Potter Summer Swan Turner and Buffy Potter Summers Swan Turner. We are triplets.

And then my head exploded.

(Reply to this)


[info]silly_izzy_me
2009-01-02 05:34 am UTC (link)
Hogwarts hentai.

What... the hell. It's genius.

Edited at 2009-01-02 05:35 am UTC

(Reply to this)


[info]lavinialavender
2009-01-02 05:37 am UTC (link)
Actually, the Hogwarts/giant squid fic is pure genius.

Our friends that are with us are Edward, Jasper, Emmet, Jessica and Amy.
Oh. No.

And Hermione's parents are dentists.

(Reply to this)


[info]kyuuketsukirui
2009-01-02 06:18 am UTC (link)
SQUIDWARTS!

(Reply to this)


[info]lastyearswishes
2009-01-02 07:27 am UTC (link)
lmao I cannot believe someone actually wrote Hogwarts Castle/Giant Squid fic.

(Reply to this)


[info]beardedtroll
2009-01-02 09:29 am UTC (link)
I am an American. So this fic with be Americanized.

Hah! I'll still read it as "Americanised" and there is nothing you can do to stop me!

It added character to his face.

Harry, you've just been turned into a cat. Do your face really need more character beyond looking like a sharptoothed rodent-trap?

It was odd she did not wear them, but what wasn’t about her?

Her number of legs or arms, her Acme Insta-Love aura (NB! do not use in the proximity of coyotes) or the Mary Sue Industries serial number stamped on her rigt buttock?

(not manly like buff 'look at my tits, i mean pecks' but the more lustourous heart-throb with the amazing voice)

"Cliff Richard goes to Hogwarts"?

And another warning, never say the word Fag at this school. Over half the population here is gay or lesbian. Very few straight, and the rest bi.

"And they're all fiercely anti-smoking. Fiercely anti-smoking."

So….. Yeah My names Katy and I own NOTHING!!!!

The realisation of which is the first step of enlightenment.

A\n Man this makes me want to go clubbing and meet hot guys1.1!!

Yes, about that... Adulthood and adult fun and entertainment? Don't expect too much, or you'll be sorely disappointed. It's all seriously over-hyped and exaggerated.

It was a beautiful day, Voldemort was dead, dead, dead!

Of course, that still left four or five horcruxes floating about, but at least the weather was nice.



(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]eir_de_scania
2009-01-02 10:39 am UTC (link)
Hah! I'll still read it as "Americanised" and there is nothing you can do to stop me!
***You win. As usual.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]vvvexation
2009-01-02 09:41 am UTC (link)
She also has contacts that you would only dram of.

Yes, just a dram of special solution added to these contacts causes them to change color with the wearer's mood! Available now at your local Vold-E-Mart.

(Reply to this)


[info]eir_de_scania
2009-01-02 10:43 am UTC (link)
“It’s the toad. Toads have a natural defense when larger animals try to eat them. They urinate.”
***No, they have glands on their backs secreting a mild poison.

(Reply to this)


[info]outofthisplace
2009-01-02 03:15 pm UTC (link)
All she wore was a simple tank and a pair of worn jeans
So, what, like, a WWII Panzer tank, or what?

oh my GOD, I think the Squid/Hogwarts fic is the BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. NEW OTP!! No really, I want to totally applaud the ingenuity. This is so good!!

Stoppit stoppit stoppit with your Japanese bastardization! IT DOESNT MAKE YOU COOL!!

“Will the ball that we’re going to is in California the one where we will be staying in a summer house with them.”
I... was this run through babelfish and back out again?

When I retire and have free time, if the internet still exists, I will devote all my time to the charitable notion of hacking fanfic sites and removing all fic where hermione becomes slutty/hotttt/rich/stunningly pretty/everything she is not. I will be regarded as a hero!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Please.... please tell me I am not looking at HP-Twilight-PotC-BUFFY crossover fic. I just.... does not compute!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]volandum
2009-01-04 05:15 pm UTC (link)
Worn jeans = side skirts!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ozbourne
2009-01-02 05:09 pm UTC (link)
The Giant Squid/Hogwarts fic made me LOL so hard. Too bad the one with HP, Buffy, PotC, and what I presume is supposed to be Twilight made me want to vomit. So did the fact that if the 'Sue without socks and shoes had shorter hair, hazel eyes, less curves, and wore long sleeves it'd actually be a decent description of me a lot of the time. Erk.

"I speak Nihon(Japanese).
No, you speak 12-year-old Weeaboo.

(Reply to this)


[info]sajina
2009-01-02 08:56 pm UTC (link)
I have aunts and uncles and cousins that are pirates, wizards, witches, werewolves, vampires, demons, angels and every other mythical creature that is out there.
OMG ... That's awful. And in her summer holidays she's the left hand of the right-hand!Doctor?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]copper_pentacle
2009-01-04 01:38 am UTC (link)
WIN.

Also, icon!love. :D

~Amunet 8D

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]evelanstoneleaf
2009-01-03 01:30 am UTC (link)
Hogwarts/Squid = either Epic FAIL or WIN.

‘It pissed in my mouth!’ Harry yelled
Harry, repeat after me: “Only chocolate frogs are edible. Only chocolate frogs are edible.”

He then, pulled me slowly to my feet, and helped me to Madam Popperry.
Buahahahah!

You are a Vampire/ witch. Your mother had been a vampire and your dad had been a witch.
Until that fateful day. Mad-Eye Moody had warned him (and most of the Order) about the dangers of putting wands in back pockets, but not of putting them in fron pockets. Closer to *ahem* more valuable body parts.

There has been a Phrophecy made about you Harry and Voldemort. You have never tasted blood so you can be in the sun as long as you want but the minute you taste blood you will not be able to go in the sun. The prophecy says ...
Non-sequitur, You’re doing it right.

Over half the population here is gay or lesbian. Very few straight, and the rest bi.
Damn! I never knew that. All the gay lov’in must have been left out of my audio books. JIM DALE, YOU LIED TO ME! I’LL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN!
“Hermione why did you wear white when white is for purity and your not a virgin anymore? “ Emmettasked me




Will we are going to my summer house in California. How about you guys I thought you where going to some ball?” I asked
Why do all these sues have summer houses in America? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have one somewhere less… Polluted? Urbanized? If I had a summer house, I would want it in the Bahamas, or like a cottage on a lake somewhere in southern Europe.

“Yes Miss Hermione.”
Buza? Hermione or Miss Granger. Pick one.
“Take us to the nears club. “
[…]
“Why yes everyone knows her she being coming here since she was a little baby

Oh please no… no… no…

“WHAT?” both Harry and Ron yelled them where both surprised at this?
Where they? Make up your mind!

“I know, Bella. Don’t worry. You, Isabella Marie Potter Summers Swan, were always the calm and rational one.”
“Yes, I know. And you can add Cullen at the end of my name now,” I said with a smile. Harry always tried to cheer me up, even if it was at a bad time.

I’m sorry, please pick a last name and stick with it. You either become Isabella Marie Potter, Isabella Marie Summers, Isabella Marie Swan OR Isabella Marie Cullen. You and your husband pick a name and get ONE or get a hyphenated name. Not four, not six, and not twenty.

It was a beautiful day, Voldemort was dead, dead, dead!
It’s a brand new day/ and the sun is high/ all the birds are singing/ because Voldie died.

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[info]phantomcranefly
2009-01-04 03:18 am UTC (link)
It’s a brand new day/ and the sun is high/ all the birds are singing/ because Voldie died.

Oh, you win the internet!

The crossover in the post made my eyes water... yours made it all better.

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[info]evelanstoneleaf
2009-01-05 09:28 pm UTC (link)
And she may cry but her tears will dry/ When I hand her the keys to a shiny new er... internet?

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[info]pica_scribit
2009-03-01 01:41 am UTC (link)
JIM DALE, YOU LIED TO ME! I’LL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN!

You'd think Stephen Fry could have camped it up a little on some of those voices, at least!

You and your husband pick a name and get ONE or get a hyphenated name. Not four, not six, and not twenty.

Unless they are Scots. Then, you get a first name, a middle name, your mum's maiden name, your dad's last name, your first husband's name, your second husband's name, etc... If any of those people had the same last name as each other, you can even get repetition.

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[info]the_good_ship
2009-01-03 02:30 am UTC (link)
"iff you want one then email me and I'll give you one."

Rrrrrar tiger! Such a smooth talker.

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[info]elethian
2009-01-03 06:32 am UTC (link)
I am an American. So this fic with be Americanized.

As soon as I can find an American who knows the difference between "with" and "will".

Draco’s face turned into another sneer similar to Snape’s. “Hmph. You are not evil enough to be my cat.”

I rather like this, actually.

All she wore was a simple tank

Tank Girl, eat your heart out.

and a pair of worn jeans.

Well of course they were worn; she was wearing them!

Besides, you can’t go around manipulating your staircases.”

...huh?? I mean, I understand what is going on literally, but what on earth is the metaphorical referent here? Masturbation?

But seriously, Squid/Hogwarts FTW! Marvellous crack.

Even Hagrid heard the groan of stone and came running.

Sounds like that's what happened in the bathrooms, eh, came running? Eh? Nudge, nudge?

helped me to Madam Popperry.

Mmm, I love kettle corn!

your dad had been a witch.

Ummm....

“Weasely, unless you want your parents to see you in a body bag next time you go home

"...don't buy your father that book on Muggle forensics. It'll just give him ideas."

the first chap. Is gonna be pretty dossal. So I’m just gonna set it to M to be safe!!

(where dossal = docile)

I'm gonna set it to M to be utterly pointless because there's no way something genuinely "dossal" would come up to an M and I just wanted to say I wrote something M rated!!

He looked at me differently than he used to. The dress and heels where too much for him and Harry.

They completely overshot the bounds of credibility, even for a couple of naive sixteen-year-old boys.

(A\n Man this makes me want to go clubbing and meet hot guys1.1!!)

Oh yeah, fanfic always makes me feel that way too.

I became her personnel maid

Hermione, Inc. Admittance for authorized personnel only.

They cant have too much since they are only muggles” Lucius said
“your so wronged.


Lucius agrees with this statement.

She also has contacts that you would only dram of.



And "dram" of? Wow! There really is a potion for everything!

My mother is Elizabeth Swan and my father is William Turner. I have two older siblings, Harry James Potter Summer Swan Turner and Buffy Potter Summers Swan Turner.

*headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*

pirates [...] and every other mythical creature

Read a history book, you!

It was a beautiful day, Voldemort was dead, dead, dead!

There's a faint golden haze over Hogwarts,
There's a dawn-golden haze over Hogwarts
Tom got it all wrong 'bout that ol' Elder Wand
An' it looks like his downfall went just as was planned

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Voldemort has died today.

All the students are standin' like statues,
All the house elves are standin' like statues
They don't turn their heads as they see me walk by,
But Neville Longbottom is winkin' his eye.

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Voldemort has died today.

All those mem'ries from Snape in the Pensieve,
All those mem'ries from Snape in the Pensieve
They kind of disturbed me 'bout him an' my mum,
But I guess I could still name a kid after 'um!

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Voldemort has died today.

Ah yes he forgot that one great thing about a dog, they could attract women and he would call her (yes he has a telephone folks) Padfoot was turning out to be good for more than just a pet it seemed.

I swear I've seen this idea somewhere before, Severus using Padfoot as a way to attract women who, as pointed out, tend to love a man with a dog, but... it was done so much better! *cry*

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[info]eir_de_scania
2009-01-03 08:18 am UTC (link)
pirates [...] and every other mythical creature
Read a history book, you!

***Or the news...

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[info]kakeochi_umai
2009-01-03 09:43 am UTC (link)
I swear I've seen this idea somewhere before, Severus using Padfoot as a way to attract women who, as pointed out, tend to love a man with a dog, but... it was done so much better!

Here?

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[info]elethian
2009-01-03 09:46 am UTC (link)
No, I mean specifically in a fanfic.

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[info]rosencrantzgirl
2009-01-04 05:45 am UTC (link)
I humbly salute for your brilliant Oklahoma! parody.

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[info]amanuensis1
2009-01-03 10:43 pm UTC (link)
The Hogwarts/Squid is actually pretty good crackfic, I say!

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[info]rosencrantzgirl
2009-01-04 05:43 am UTC (link)
Only one thing came to mind when I read the Hogwarts/Squid fic.

"The intruder is entering the building, master!"
And the building likes it!

This fandom brings out my Rocky Horror call lines like no other.

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[info]estacep13
2009-01-07 02:13 am UTC (link)
(from the “disclaimer”)
I am an American. So this fic with be Americanized.
and
“Hmph. You are not evil enough to be my cat.”
*

I'm gonna start using both of these phrases in my everday life right now.

*
You have resently found out some very grim news. There has been a Phrophecy made about you Harry and Voldemort. You have never tasted blood so you can be in the sun as long as you want but the minute you taste blood you will not be able to go in the sun.

REALLY!? Ow! I bit my tongue....aw fuck.

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[info]pica_scribit
2009-02-28 11:58 pm UTC (link)
Hogwarts watched the giant squid approach and felt apprehension well up in his kitchen. “What are you doing?” The words weren’t spoken, but they were understood.
“Just trust me,” the giant squid replied, caressing Hogwarts’ outerwalls.
“I’m not ready!” Hogwarts exclaimed, trying to push the giant squid away with his magic.
“Hogwarts, you’re lonely, I’m lonely. We don’t have to be. Besides, you can’t go around manipulating your staircases.”


This. This is as hilarious as it is disturbing. I almost wish I'd thought of it first. I can find no fault with this author beyond a twisted sense of humour. After all, it's not like Hogwarts had changed a lot over the summer, and now had curves in all the right places, or like the giant squid had Quidditch-honed muscles.

You are a Vampire/ witch. Your mother had been a vampire and your dad had been a witch.

Someone is very confused here. Not sure if it's the author or my dad.

The prophecy says that you will be pretty much bait to lure Harry to meet Voldemort. And then you and him will have the truest love.

So...that means Harry's going to win, right? And then VampSue is going to die? Where's the bad?

Over half the population here is gay or lesbian. Very few straight, and the rest bi.

Yup. Sounds like fandom!Hogwarts.

Giggles this is my first fan fiction EVER

"Giggles This" is also one of the weirdest titles ever.

I am currently in the airport that my father owns along with my friends and younger cousin MIMI which was her nick name since she was little, and hadn't learned about lowercase letters yet.

Our friends that are with us are Edward, Jasper, Emmet, Jessica and Amy.

I've never read Twilight, and I've never seen the film, and I have no intention of doing either. And yet, I have already absorbed enough through fandom and the internet that that list of names makes me twitch.

“Hermione why did you wear white when white is for purity and your not a virgin anymore? “ Emmettasked me (A\N someone in school asked me that as a j\k so i so had to add it in there lol so i want to thank them for giving me the idea)

So...non-virgins can't wear white? Excuse me while I go throw out all my white dresses, teeshirts, and underpants.

“ok then if I and I will win, you have to give me you money for the whole summer and wash my clothiers along with that and you have to act like a whorl every time we go to the mall and you will have to gave me pig back rides when ever I want one.”

I'm not sure what all this means, but I'm getting the impression that the main character is a spoiled bitch. Are we really supposed to empathise with her? It's kind of disturbing, the way her childhood friends grow up to become her servants. I worry about the way this author sees people. Also, please tell me English is not her first language. If it is, then our public schools are in more trouble than I thought.

My real name isn’t just Isabella Marie Swan, but Isabella Marie Potter Summers Swan Turner. I am actually seventeen and will forever be seventeen unless I wish to grow. My mother is Elizabeth Swan and my father is William Turner. I have two older siblings, Harry James Potter Summer Swan Turner and Buffy Potter Summers Swan Turner. We are triplets.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Die in a fire for multiple fandom rape.

(Reply to this)


[info]karthzon
2009-03-07 03:18 pm UTC (link)
By the way am Tom am Addy twin brother.
Is troll or is giant?

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