The Babbling Chronicles (babb_chronicles) wrote,
The Babbling Chronicles
babb_chronicles

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Part CCCIX - HARRY POTTER AND THE LEOPARD WALK-UP-TO DRAGON

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Ginny works at the Wizarding TV Company called DTV (Dumbledore Television), in the wizarding world, a few years after the Battle at Hogwarts, people found, in Dumbledore's belongings, a sketch and working prototype of the first Wizarding TV. Of course a few years after that, a group of Wizards and Witches created more of the Wizarding TV's and now everyone has them.
*
Dear Draco, She wrote, I am writing to BEG you for a favour, both for me and for Ginny. Where Ginny works, at DTV, they are starting a show called 'Beauty Pageant, Miss British Witch' where fifty Witches enter and each week one of them get voted off, it was all going fine until Ginny realised she didn't have a prize or a house for the girls to stay. So I wrote to you to ask if you would be the 'prize', a date with you, and the house to be at one of your mansions. Of course you would be paid and you get to be on TV, and you get a date with a gorgeous girl... Please Draco, be a mate and do this for me, and Ginny. Love from Hermione
*
Dear Hermione, Being paid to have fifty girls wanting me, and to be on TV, how can I say no? Especially to my favourite mud-blood... Only joking to the mud-blood part! You are my favourite muggle-born, but I guess you are the only muggle-born I have actually talked to since Hogwarts... But yeah I will help you and Ginny, the Weasley-girl right? From Draco, Thank goodness he has said yes!" Hermione finished.
The two girls both giggled, and did many 'all-right's' and 'Awsome's' in a very American way.

**
(These were taken from Chinese bootleg Harry Potter books. While not technically badfic they’re bizarre enough to qualify for this batch.)
HARRY POTTER AND THE LEOPARD WALK-UP-TO DRAGON
Chapter 1: A Sweet and Sour Rainfall
Harry did not know how long this bath would take, when he would finally scrub off that oily, sticky layer of cake icing. For someone who had grown into a cultured, polite young man, a layer of sticky filth really made him feel sick. He lay in the high quality porcelain tub ceaselessly wiping his face. In his thoughts there was nothing but Dudley's fat face, fat as his Aunt Petunia's fat rear end.
*
Ron faced the portrait of DaVinci's old man and said the spell: "Fried banana pudding.”
*
"Who am I? Why don't you come out and look, then you will know." that strange, cruel, and malicious laugh changed into an owl's hoot. Outside the white window the shadow of a giant tail waved back and forth like a dead 1000 year old tree blowing wildly in the wind.
*
Chapter 2: Hobbit Harry
There was a hobbit, who didn't even know how to return home. He lived in a hole in the ground, and didn't know where he came from or where he was going to. He even didn't know why he had become a hobbit. This was Hogwartz School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 5th year apprentice Harry Potter.
Harry lived in a hole in the ground. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat...
*
HARRY POTTER AND PLATFORM NINE AND THREE-QUARTERS
I would ride on my favorite flying broom, together with Hedwig and my magic wand, go-go-go, night clouds in the urban sky would cover my trails, and the meteor you saw in the sky was my traipsing manteau.
**
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feet. whats with the feet. in my face. on the floor but still in my face. wierd. hey theres legs attached to those feet. Oh Shite. thats not good. Akward. i should just like be invisable that would be so kool. or maybe move from 1 place to another in less than 5 seconds. that would be awesome like going from on my face in front of these feet to my bed in my room to die of embarrasment. not really the way i want to die. that would suck. really bad. oh yeah. feet in my face. not kool. they kind of stink. really bad. ewwww.
*
hair. my hair. i hate my hair. it's so bushy. and long. annoying. in the way. all the time. ugh. i can't even tame it enough to put a wig on it. it's so bad. maybe i can find something in the library for it. im so jealous of the girls in my dorm they all have perfect hair.
Oh My Gawd!
*
just keep swimming. just keep swimming. just keep swimming. just keep swimming. wow random. swimming swimming. swimming. really random.
kk bye bye for now
xoxo love
Mione ^_^
*
J and Pavarti are awesome but they really only talk about make up and boys.
**
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The boys know she has others, they know who in fact, and for Fred and George, it meant competition, as with Charlie, Ron and Neville, Blaise and Draco…
Yes they all knew, but as it was, most of them had others…
Harry had quite a few, four in fact, you may ask who, well I will explain… with Ginny, Ron, Draco and Luna.
Luna had six, Draco had five, Ron had five, even some of the teachers had a few each, but no, Hermione had the most… seven, seven… seven… seven… seven… the number drilled through her brain again and again, paining her and giving her wizard migraine,
*
Draco Malfoy panted and panted with Ginny Weasley beside him, before walking away, they both knew why… Her next one is here, Harry…
Draco walked out the door, conjuring robes from no-where and placing them on his slim body, the door was to a small flat, of which Ginny Weasley lived.
He saw Harry walking towards the door.
"She wants hard and heavy tonight Potter" he says, Harry mutters a word of thanks before walking towards Ginny's flat.
*
Charlie smiled to himself, remembering Hermione's body, her sleek form and pale skin and sighed to himself. He needed her, but he knew what she was doing, with Neville, Neville of all people… Disgusting! So Charlie walked over to Luna's house, they hadn't had it before but who cares? He needed it!
She let him in without question, they both obviously lonely, and needy. So they got right to it, when they were done, they swapped numbers, and he left, no out of breath and sweaty.
Thank god for Luna!
Walking back he smiled when he thought of Hermione's and Luna's faces, was happy, he had caught up with the rest of them, they all had at least 2, two!
*
Snape lay down on a sofa and waited for the pleasure from the three women, he sighed and placed his head back as they got to work.
The three women in question were, Bellatrix, McGonagall and Trelawny. And God they were good. They worked all night and got what they all wanted in return before walking back to their own rooms.
Snape was content with his life, and went to bed, but for McGonagall it was only the beginning.
She stalked to the headmasters office before knocking and walking in, the headmaster already ready and was laying on his desk, before she got to work.
The old women found pleasure in what she did but sometimes wished she didn't have two lovers, but, well, she was bored without one or the other.
So she got working and when she was done went to bed.
**
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Hermione thought this over in her head and asked; ''What if I decide to just be a housewife? Will I still be able to get a decent job once my baby is older?''
''It's hard to tell,'' she admitted. ''I mean, you do need more grades that just your OWLS to get a decent job nowadays. The only other option for you is it rely on the father to be the 'breadwinner' for your family.''
''I wouldn't mine doing that,'' said Draco. ''Like I said before, I will do anything for you and our baby.''
''You are such a good person,'' said Hermione.
**
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Harry and Ron and Hermine where al hanging arond the lake playying with the sqid. OH NO LOOK THERE Ron shooted and ponted to the forrist.
IT WAS VOLDIMORT
OH NO GO GET DUMBLEDOOR Harry shooted to Hermine and she went runing and opened the dor and shooted for dumbledoor to cum help.
I dident cum to kil you Voldimor explaned I ned you're help.
What do mean Harry demanted and Voldimort laffed and said their is a new badguy and is worse than me.
*
Whos the new badguy Hary assed Voldimort and Volimort sed it is you father!
Evryon gassped in shok. BUT MY FATHER IS FOR DED FOR YOU KIL HIM Harry shooted.
He cam bak as a zombee wizurd Volidmort explanned and Harry shooted WHAT WE DO NOW!
**
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Dragon looked up and said, "My name's Dragon Redflames, nice to meet all of you."
*
Ron and his younger sister, apparently, looked at her like she was crazy, along with a young woman with platinum blonde hair. She looked at Dragon and said, "You Americans are all alike, very stubborn and vild."
Dragon stared at her and said, calmly, "Et vous Mon Cher êtes un oof ignorant d'un babouin, oui?"
With that Dragon turned on her heal and walked out of the back door. As she left there was an eerie silence in the kitchen. Dragon heard footsteps behind her but she didn't turn around to see who was following her. She was fuming and couldn't help but saying, "Que el babuino ignorante la piensa puede insultarme sin recieving un insulto también. Ella es el babuino dirigido más grosero y más caliente que he visto siempre."
She reached up and pulled her self onto a branch, well flipped onto a branch really, and sat there saying over and over, "Espero que ella se descomponga en cielo."
*
Today was July 4th, not only America's birthday, but Dragon's as well. The Weasely clan, along with Harry and Hermione, had researched America's history and while a little testy about it still decided to celebrate Independence Day and Dragon's birthday on the same day.
*
They could all see the resemblance in Sirius and Dragon. But when Fleur stepped up she just looked at them disdainfully and said, "Vell I guess eet feets, to ave a scoundrel vith a sewer rat."
Before anyone could say anything a tiger was standing over Fleur with its gigantic paw on her throat, growling at her. She whimpered slightly before Sirius and Harry both pulled the tiger off her and outside to the yard. Sirius looked at the tiger with pride, just like a father would to his daughter who just did something great.
*
The next day Dragon and Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table together; Dragon was wearing her sarong again and a matching halter top, with flip-flops. The shirt showed her tattoo that was on her lower back. They both saw Ron and Harry looking at them, because Hermione was wearing shorts, along with a spaghetti strap.
*
Now that Ron was looking her in the eye he squirmed and backed away. Harry, who was so upset that he wasn't affected by her gaze, "You are tricking us, playing with our hearts…"
Dragon advanced on him and yelled, "YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT PLAYING WITH HEARTS! I'VE BEEN RAPED BY MY STEPFATHER, WHO I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT US PLAYING WITH YOUR HEARTS!"
*
Harry and Ron walked up to her and Ron said; "Well now I guess we know whose teachers pet."
"It's not my fault you can't keep up the reading speed of a snail," Dragon said calmly as she started walking away.
Before she knew it Ron had taken a punch and hit her in the face.
*
Dumbledore bowed and said, "Your Majesty."
He stepped down to murmurs going throughout the whole hall. She looked out and saw that her friends had shocked looks on their faces, Harry had an angry look on his face and her father looked as if he was the proudest he had ever been. She took a deep breath and said, "I, Dragon Redflames am the High Queen of the Fire Kingdom. My mother, before she…died, was the Fire Queen and now that she has passed on, I have gained reign over all the Fire Kingdom and all its inhabitants."
*
Sirius sighed softly and got a far off look in his eyes, "Your mother had long, amazingly gold hair, eyes that were as bright as the stars and shone like sapphires, she could make anyone trust her and was the nicest person on the face of the earth. There was a prophecy about her, that she would have so much love, that she would be able to melt the coldest eyes and she would die happy, no matter what, because she would be thinking about the one best thing in her life.
**
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Fred, George, Angelina, and Harry decided that they were going to skip Professor Snape's Class for the day and take a trip to the other side of England. "I am NOT ready to be raped by Snape again!" exclaimed Angelina holding Fred's hand tightly. Fred seemed to be sexually aroused by Angelina's hand squeezing as you can obviously tell by his obvious boner. Fred turns to Angelina and says, "I'm not going to let that happen anymore…oh and by the way I have a boner." George turns to Fred in a weird expression and says, "Sorry that was Me." as he smiled and laughed.
*
it was pitch black and then he mistaken Angelina's boob for a lamp. "Oww Fred that's my boob you're touching!" exclaimed Angelina. Fred got yet another boner and said, "Oh I'm sorry dear" seductively.
*
Harry strangely got sexually aroused too having mistakenly touched Fred's aroused penis. It stretched across the train car so it was quite difficult not the run into it. Angelina can be heard having an orgasm while George can be heard masturbating. The people on this train were quite confused as you can heard confused whispering. Harry then jumps onto George and they start 69'ing each other. Angelina then gets down on her knees and amazingly manages to fit Fred's entire penis in her mouth. It was like a really sexy version of 2 guys 1 horse.
*
But now the best part of the sex celebration has started. Fred, George, and Harry's penis' are now inserted up Angelina's ass as she has a big orgasmic adventure.



Thanks to:
cheryl_bites for the quotes from the Chinese bootleg books
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